Jacket On, Let's Go!

My parents paid us a visit on their way to Dunoon to attend the Gaelic festival, the Royal National Mòd where my dad is singing with his choir. Roman was asleep when they arrived but when he woke up he enjoyed being wrapped in a blanket and snuggled in with his granny. He came to life within half an hour and at the mention of going in the car to the shops he ran around the living room very excited at the prospect of taking a trip in his loved car seat.

"Help!" Roman said, bypassing me and heading straight for my mum with his unzipped jacket. I'm happy with his ease, with the bond that formed in the summer and has stayed since and most of all I'm surprised at myself; at how easy it is to watch others love him without feeling jealous of the relationship and able to enjoy it completely.

Sandcastles.

Don't be fooled by this picture; the beach was freezing cold.

Today we went to Melvich beach with the expectation that we'd be dealing with a running toddler who was eager to jump into waves and knock over our proudly built sandcastles. Instead there was a pretty cold wind blowing in off the sea that turned Roman's skin purple and froze us out but of course a little bit of cold wasn't going to hold this boy back once he'd warmed up in Bryan's arms and with two towels wrapped round his cold shoulders.

As soon as his granny began to make her sandcastle - and after seeing me and my brother turn out our own sandcastles - Roman was up and at 'em ;).

Legacy.

Roman has a great-gran, who is my gran and my mother's mother. She is 81 years young on Sunday and although she told me, when I was 9, that you shouldn't ask a lady her age I'm marking this record for Roman. I also think it's something to celebrate; old age is a gift and something not a lot of people reach either through poor health or circumstance. 

As Roman signed (or drew all over) his great grans card (pictured below) I told him that he was fortunate to have a great gran in his life. My own great gran was killed a month before I was born and I've always felt like it would have been a great thing to meet and know her - to tell people, 'I have a great gran!' and to take pride in this fact. I know that you're only 2 years old, Roman, but I think it's wonderful to have a living legacy and I hope you appreciate this as you grow. 

Goodbye to the Grandparents.

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It's one of those shots where the only person who knows where to look is the professional model (my mum) ;).

So today I was tired and emotional - tired because Roman has been sick, got up early and caused hell on mine and B's sleeping patterns and emotional because today was the day my mum went back home, 6 and a half hours away. She's been here for 2 weeks, spending 5 days in between at my grans. Knowing she was going away and coming back last week I was quite happy to send her away (I would have loved to have been selfish and keep her to myself, of course) but today I knew it was the day to say goodbye - for a while - and even though we kept saying goodbye I'm not sure Roman understood the concept so well.

I took him to the door to say goodbye, then to the gate, and then we walked to the car to say it. He was absolutely fine, took it completely in his stride...and then they drove away. When I began to walk back in with him, he ran to the gate and shouted; 'CAR! CAR! CAAAR! WANT!' I felt absolutely awful by this point. He totally lost the plot when we got back into the house and I was tempted to ring my parents up and tell them to come back. I felt unable to deal with two meltdowns in two days - I know that's probably nothing to a lot of parents but I do not like these meltdowns. I honestly don't want another one for a very long time because I'm not used to them at all.

When we got into the living room, he just lost it. Tears, a red face, lots of screaming, shouting 'door, door!' for me to open the door and it dawned on me that I was really tired and emotional watching him like this. On one hand I began to question my own parenting; have I spoiled him? What am I doing wrong? Have I done anything wrong? Is this normal? and on the other hand I felt all at sea with these new outbursts of pure...rage. Frustration, rage, anger - whatever you want to call it. Roman was not happy that his gran had left. I could tell because I was feeling the same way. I didn't want my mum to leave. But over the years I've learned to dampen that hurt when someone leaves - because I know they will come back.

He doesn't know if they'll come back. He doesn't really understand the concept of time just yet. He doesn't understand 'just wait five minutes' let alone 'just wait another few weeks/months and we'll see them again.' And that's why he lost it. He got attached, got used to the way things were over the past two weeks and most likely didn't even think about the departure my mum would inevitably make when her two weeks was up.

Through his upset I remembered a technique my dad (pictured above) used to use on us and instead of me making animal noises and asking 'what does the doggy/pig/cat/horsey say?' I picked up my photography magazine to the page of a polar bear, made a growl and kept at it until his curiosity brought him to me. It's not that I was trying to stop his upset - if he's upset, it's allowed - but it was a way to calm things down and get his attention onto happier things. Of course it worked. But my heart was breaking from his outburst - I felt to blame or as if I should have done something to stop it from happening - what more could I have done? 

I just wonder when it will stop hurting. That extra sore spot hurt you get when your child is hurting, whether that be emotionally or physically. It's like being hit between the eyes and kicked in the stomach at the same time.

Perfect.

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Isn't it wonderful to think that toddlers (for the most part) come with a no-holds barred connection to most human beings? They don't care about your sex, race, religion or political beliefs. They're wonderful little people before they become adults; full of opinions (wrongly or rightly), discrimination, prejudgments and for this little toddler - there is little to no awkwardness once the initial assessing of a person is done.

To me this phase is both perfect and awkward. The constant asserting of independence can be grating, whether that's a little boy refusing his bed, constantly saying 'mout, mout, MOUT!' (out, out, out) when in the buggy or 'want, want!' while begging for lollipops in the kitchen. But there are those perfect moments, like the above, when you want to immediately have 10 babies just to have these moments 10 times over.

A Great Gran.

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I can't share just how brilliant today was in words. But I'll try, like I always do.

The morning started with a cheeky little 23 month old pulling down his toy kitchen, coming up to me and saying; 'naughty, naughty!' and stealing crisps (potato chips) from right under  my nose. Naughty, naughty indeed. 

We had a long journey ahead of us today going to see my gran - public transport and being car-free has its draw backs - and I was slightly dreading travelling with a toddler on a Bank Holiday to a busy city. We arrived in Glasgow to a city still in the throes of Christmas celebration - I love Christmas and loved the lights we saw today.

When we got to my grans house Roman was shy and slowly came round. Within half an hour or so he was playing 'peekaboo' and his cheery self. The only downside of today was how quickly it went.


But I know Roman enjoyed his 'second Christmas' unwrapping his sweet gifts from my Aunty Jeannette.

Like every time Roman is with my gran; he was content, happy and relaxed. And he was also quite happy to keep feeding his face with my Aunty Jeannette's Pringles ;). 

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Email: carakirk@hotmail.com

Dear Mothers/Fathers/Parents/Carers et al,

Try not to worry if your baby spends the day dressed in a babygro (onesie.) I used to fret about this, that my son didn't look "properly dressed." But who cares? Several months down the line I don't. And I wish I'd done it more often. 

Don't be too quick to wish their babyhood away - savour each phase before they hit the next. Smile when they learn to crawl, laugh and cheer with them when they begin to pull themselves up onto the furniture and do you know what? It's okay to shed a little tear when they begin to walk, not least because they will drive you crazy with how much more they can do!

Let them feed themselves - at least once in their babyhood. It will be very, very messy (and your OCD-meter might go off the charts with the  mess) but it is also very, very good for them.

Bath time is a baby's playground. It will cause you to go into complete melt down mode as they go after everything at their eye level...just baby proof the bath and enjoy bath time.

Have at least one 'run and grab camera' moments before you help them out of a tricky position they've got themselves into ;).

Enjoy the babyhood. The chubby cheeks. The blue eyes. The soul-searching looks they will give you. Even those late night snuggles.

Play with hats often. They might begin to hate wearing hats.

Let Granny get a look-in. Even if you have to squash any paranoid thoughts. Unless she's a reckless child carer she will bring a calm to your new motherhood that you can't culture until you've been there and done the whole hog of motherhood. 

Indulge their cheeky tendencies every now and then. And try to find new ways of saying 'no' without actually saying no ;).

Also, buy the best camera your budget will stretch too. These memories and moments are precious and are worth capturing so you can have them in your family for generations to come.

Walking update.

Image: Days old Ro, hooked on standing up constantly.

I have this neurosis about Ro. And him not walking yet. I never put that onto him or force him to walk; I've always been a relaxed parent and I like to think I have encouraged his development rather than forced it.


After all, he can say coherent words that other people understand, can string together sentences of two to three words so I am pretty happy. And blessed. 


However, he isn't walking.


I know it will be fine. I know everything's well. But he is my first child. Go easy on me in the comments ;). Please don't tell me "not to worry" because I am not worried. I don't think I ever worry unless I have reason to worry...and seriously? Telling a Mama 'not to worry', who are you trying to kid?


I'm more in distress or turmoil over his non-walking state because there are babies months younger than him happily toddling around on two legs meanwhile he's happy to scamp around crawling. Little monkey.


Both me and B were 10 months when we were walking so I am wondering where this rogue non walking gene has come from and have vague recollections of stories about my Mum's Dad (who I never met as he died when she was 12) and the fact he didn't walk until he was around two years old. My Gran also says Ro resembles my Granpa Scott, so there we have it. A rogue gene from a man I only know about from a few photos and a few hundred stories. Case solved, I think.


Ro is happy to toddle around on his knees and I am not going to stop him. I am going to encourage whatever he wants to do and if every other kid in the World is walking, dancing, twirling and running before him, let them. Um...well, you know, if he's not walking before Christmas then I am probably going to be worried, but you know...till then he can keep scamping around the floor, picking up bits of random fluff, offering them up to me and saying; "FANK CHOO!" 


And amongst the viruses we've all had, the recurring night sweats I've had, the meals not consumed and the housework gone eternally undone someone decided they might want to join this two footed World of nonsense after all...

Image: He was constantly sitting down and standing like this for ages.

Thank you for keeping my neurosis under control by standing for me, Ro!

And yes, as you can see, I wasn't joking about that 'housework eternally undone' statement.

My Gran.

My Gran is my idol.

I have always looked up to her and she has always, always put us first when she was looking after us.

There has never been a muttered; "Oh, this is tiring!" or "I need five minutes to myself." There was no resentment or sign of giving up. I always thought my Gran had great fun with us, even though I know the real hard work that child care involves. It's hard and I really don't know how my Gran would swoop us all under her wing and plan amazing days out; the Glasgow Transport museum, the ice cream shop in Clydebank, the little cafe up the Glen and so many others I could really list forever and ever.

When I was 15 it was discovered my Gran had asbestos on her lungs. This was devastating for me because I remember the first time she had a coughing fit. I was 9 years old. Now, 6 years later, they had discovered the asbestos on her lungs. I felt as though there must have been some red flag that should have went off for me. I felt miserable at the thought of this horrible disease.


She's also had hip replacements and the years before this were hard on her - she never let it shine through. She has always been this massive ball of energy and happiness. Of persevering on.


And not in a self-sacrificing way, either. 


So, when she suffered a severe stroke, I was in shock yet again. I know this wasn't just my burden to bear; we're a big family and it was on everyone's shoulders just as it was mine, but I feel the way I always do when something like this happens; totally and completely out of control of the whole situation.


This is why I am sometimes so angry about my own health situation - I feel out of control and it makes me angry. It upsets me. And no matter how much you scream life isn't fair, it still goes on being unfair.


This much was true for my Gran. But it was better to accept what had happened and accept this new development to her health; at least that's how I felt.


I can't begin to describe the thoughts of even thinking about my Gran's mortality. Or my parents. Or anyone in my family. I hate death, it's ugly, but it's something we all have to go through. When things like these happen I feel as though the anvil is slipping down just a little more.


My Gran seems to be making a good recovery - good being that she isn't getting worse nor has she had another stroke - and this is a positive thing I can hang onto.


She is my last living Grandparent. She is my hero.


I didn't know an awful lot about strokes before now - now I trawl forums, videos on YouTube and consume every bit of information I can find on them. I want to know what lies ahead, I suppose.


I'd seen the Stroke Awareness Ads on TV; but what did I really know? 


I didn't know children could have strokes. I didn't know that babies in the womb could also have strokes - how terrifying and horrible. I also wasn't really aware of recovery from strokes.

You can recognise a stroke using the FAST test

FACIAL weakness: Can the person smile? Has their mouth or eye drooped?

ARM weakness: Can the person raise both arms?

SPEECH problems: Can the person speak clearly and understand what you say?

TIME to call 999.

If a person fails any one of these tests, get help immediately by dialling 999

A speedy response can help reduce the damage to a person’s brain and improve their chances of a full recovery. A delay in getting help can result in death or long-term disabilities.

This info here.

Then I signed up for a free subscription to Stroke Connection Magazine - get yours here. I'm not saying this magazine will have all the answers, either, but at least it will contain some. 


And I am hoping that by posting about this on my blog - the only use I seem to be right now towards this whole situation - that someone will see it and be able to use it at a future date, store it away in their memory and be aware of it in future.


I am also hoping that everyone who reads this will spread the message where possible; Facebook, on your own blogs and generally throughout the whole Internet. The reason being that I want people to be more aware of the seriousness of a stroke.


Share the info on Strokes, share this blog or even share the free on-line subscription above because you just never know who you could be helping. Pray for my family, if you so wish. Everything will help.


Thank you for reading.

Happy Mother's Day.

Happy Mother's Day to my Mum.

She's a mother to four children, Granny to three grandchildren and comes from a long line of strong, independent women who can take care of their homes, DIY, stretch a budget, cook for twelve*, entertain and educate children, make clothes, have babies and so much more!

I love my Mum loads. We haven't always been best friends (and you know what Super Nanny thinks of parents as best friends so perhaps it was for the best!) but now we definitely are. I love spending time with her and being in her company. Everyone who meets her likes her - I have yet to meet someone who doesn't.

She's a good Granny and loves to spend time with her grandchildren. She loves them equally and whole heartedly.  She isn't interfering or overpowering.

I know if I mould myself into the sort of Mum she was that I will be doing a good job with raising Roman.

"I grew up confidently expecting to have a profession and earn my own living, and also confidently expecting to be married and have children. It was fifty-fifty with me. I was just as passionately determined to have children as I was to have a career. And my mother was the triumphant answer to all doubts as to the success of this double role. From my earliest memory she had more than half supported the family and yet she was supremely a mother."

- Crystal Eastman. 

Thank you, Crystal Eastman. Thank you for putting into words exactly how I would describe my own Mum, expectations and upbringing.

So a Happy Mother's Day to all the Mama's out there.

And to one of the best Granny's in the World: Thank you for being my Mother's Mother. Without you we wouldn't be here and without you we wouldn't be who we all are. You've created this family from the ground up.

Get Well Soon.

*and this happened on many, many occasions. Especially at Christmas time with missionaries who were far away from their own Mama's.