Hiding.

Lately Roman has taken to saying, "scary daddy, very scary" whenever Bryan comes into the room. I haven't ever brought it to his (Bryan's) attention before but then today Roman reacted very badly when he walked into the room. Without seeing the clippers he had tucked under his arm I decided to say something about Roman's reaction. "He's doing that a lot," I said to Bryan.

"Aye cause I've got the clippers through," he said, turning to show me the dreaded clippers tucked neatly under his arm. Roman has mixed reactions to these clippers but most of the time he has an aversion to them...and I don't blame him. They're noisy, have nicked his ear before and they look scary, even to me.

"Hiding! Hiding!" Roman said when I took this photo, burrowing himself deeper into the blanket and eventually demanding he be picked up. When we introduced the clippers near his head he kept saying "nooo!" and "wah, wah, wah" (you know actually saying it, not just crying.) It's not smart or clever to attempt a haircut on a sick toddler, that's the lesson learned for today.

Sick Boy.

Sometimes I have to snap photos quickly, without much chance to set up the shot how I'd like and this photo is a result of this. With your quilt in focus and your face out of focus. And I confess; I was using auto focus here. If you grow up to be a photographer, I apologise in advance!

Today: you were sick and my throat began to become scratchy. Your chesty cough is unbearable to hear and when we were outside I had to stop to stroke your head and face every so often, to reassure you. We were heading out for supplies and so Bryan could work - and so I didn't have to tidy the big mess in the middle of the living room floor ;). While we were out I was sure you'd sleep in your buggy, you didn't. Our sleeping habits parallel; both light sleepers who can only sleep in a bed, but who might rarely fall asleep on a sofa. What we want when we're sick? The same basic things; reassurance, reassurance and more reassurance.

You were tired and very ready for bed, totally run down and ill. I'm worried about you more than usual and my fears sound like this:

What if you choke and die in your sleep?
What if you wake up in the night, crawl out of the covers and die of hypothermia?

What if, what if, what if....

To be a mother of a sick child is to be wracked with worry. This illness will pass and I'll forget my fears but for now I have them rattling around in my brain. I hope you're better soon.

No Photos!

Roman to me: "NO PHOTOS!"

Me (snapping away): "Just a few, wee man."

Roman: "NOOOOO! NO FEW!"

Sorry, Roman...but I kind of had too. It was half an hour away from bed time and I hadn't taken my photo for the day. I can't give you a 366 Project book with a missing photo now, can I? I'm sorry, it felt a bit mean but for records sake I had to take a few photos. Before this you were turning away and covering up your face with your arm :(. 

This is the first time in the history of Roman that this has ever happened and I think it's down to this stupid cold he can't seem to shake. I put my camera away as soon as I got this photo, I promise!

Waterstones, Stirling.

53/366

Roman woke up with a cold. He's had a high-ish temperature for a few days but I overlooked it, as you do, because it didn't worry me.

With it being my mum's last day here we decided to head off to Stirling for the day - Stirling is the smallest city in Scotland - to do a spot of light shopping ;). With Roman being ill this was a tiny bit stressful because he didn't know what he wanted, or when he wanted it. He refused the buggy, refused taking our hands, refused to walk and refused to be held. He threw himself down on the ground a fair few times and at one point just sat on the ground and cried. 

He was fine once we'd stopped off at our local health food shop and bought some grub (food) for him but the time in between was a bit of a nightmare scenario. So many people stared or pointed when Bryan finally put Roman into his buggy - he did not want to go in and kept saying 'Mout! MOUT! MOUT!' (out, out, out.) 

I clenched my fists down by my side and had to remind myself to not give a crap - who are these people, the ones who don't have to cope with this 24/7, how dare they get offended by this. He is my child. I know what I'm doing. Stop staring at me like I'm a monster.

The whole situation was embarrassing. The tears, the screaming and the fact we were trying our best not to lose our minds on the walk to get food for this little toddler who was breaking his heart in his buggy. 

Once he was fed and watered, he was perfectly happy. It was the time in between that was a killer. It's hard when you want to do everything you possibly can to avoid any outbursts all to realise you can't control that. And when you add in the fact he's sick on top of that...well that invites a recipe for disaster.

So, the only shop he found any kind of solace in was Waterstones. Full of books, toys, colouring in and more books it was right up Roman's street (even at that, it got old fast for him.) 

What a sad time for him :(. I've learned a few things today;

1. Never, ever think 'shut up' when I hear a baby/toddler kicking and screaming in a shop. Just feel sorry for the parents.

2. Don't go out shopping with a sick toddler who is choked with the cold. Never again in my life.