Hogmanay Edition - Making Goals

In Scotland the clock strikes midnight and we 'bring in the bells.' We also call New Years Eve 'Hogmanay' and I have no idea what these two things mean. I only know we follow these traditions and customs.


Have you made any goals or resolutions for 2012? 


Mine are pretty simple and straight forward - so failure is low!


These are goals I need to work on, things that will strengthen me and make me a better person.


Read the Book of Mormon from cover to cover. If you want to join me, order your FREE copy HERE.


Start and finish my 366 photography project. Outside of being a parent and working, I want to have a project I'm constantly involved in.


Start and finish writing my book - and get it published. 


Research and educate myself about photography. It will boost my confidence and help me with my next goal.


Set up my photography business. I've been part of and watched a business being set up over the past few years and I am keen to start up another business that is mine, especially related to photography (not necessarily taking photographs of people.) I need to write myself a clear business plan and make decisions about this. And like Nike say 'just do it.'


Have a good standard of a clean and tidy home. Now that Roman is bigger and more capable of being helpful this isn't such a chore. I've already started on this path by completely clearing and cleaning out the kitchen and bathroom in preparation for 2012 and my 366 Project and I just need to keep everything organised and ticking over. I know I can be better prepared and I don't like the stress of things not being in their place in my home.


Be healthy as I can be. I have finally accepted over the course of the past year and a half that my illness has limits. I don't kill myself to do things anymore. If I am exhausted I stop. I f I need rest, I take it. However, I need to lose some extra weight I've amassed over the years, too. 


I'm terrified about putting this out there for every one to read, but it's boot up my butt I need. If I don't commit these goals to something then they will just flounder about as flowery ideas in my head.


I can't go on like that.


Follow: @MamaChaser 
Email: carakirk@hotmail.com

Milestones.

I have decided this will be a Cute Attack kind of blog, with a little of the serious stuff of what's going on with us (and by "us" I mean me and Roman) and a hell of a lot of cute. Yep. I said HELL. It's okay to say in Scotland.

A while ago I spent ages writing up a blog about what happened in October and hoped it would be ready long before now. Well, that hasn't happened. I need to re-work it because it's loaded with pictures (unseen) and I'm scared it will crash people's computers - so until I work out how jumps work don't know when that will be I can say that that blog is lost in the drafts until then.

So, on with November and what's been happening with us...

Well, last week I was getting out of bed (where I had been living for the past two weeks due to being struck down with a cold and then the recovery of the cold) and as I was steadying myself against the wall I bashed my hand off the wall. I hit my knuckles and on further inspection saw that my mole (hate the thing) that is on my right hand also took a hit.

Of course, as it always does, it started to bleed heavily. I freaked out because years ago someone told me if you cut or have a bleeding mole then you'll cause yourself cancer. I don't know if that's true (I'm willing to bet it isn't) and I'm too scared to Google if it's true (in case it is...but it sounds like crap to me!).

Here it is...The Disfigurement. I think I have Mole Dysmorphia...but seriously, this thing has been the bane of my right hand for a long, long time! Oh yeah and the photo is out of  focus because it's hard for me to use my left hand to take photos...wish my Dad had passed on his left handedness to me at times like these! ;)

So after much humming and hawing, off to the doctors I went. He took my hand (ooh err, first time I've wanted to be called a lady - you all know I hate it being assumed I'm a "lady" and yes I am a woman, but a lady I am not!) and had a look at it. "Oh yes, I see what you mean now," he said. "If we cut it off, it will leave a small scar. I'll refer you to the minor surgery department for that."

Say what? Minor surgery? 

All of you who know me, know I've never had any kind of surgery - apart from in 2009 when I had another sort of minor surgery colonscopy.And anyone whose anyone (especially my big sister and she knows why!) will know I HATE this mole on my hand. I've waited my whole life for a doctor to say those words to me before. And today, within 5 seconds of explaining my issue, it was a lovely referral. I'm aware this will probably mean I'll get it hacked off. In twenty years time. When I have 50 children. The NHS are notorious for their waiting lists and I'm hoping this cancer thing isn't true as I'm freaking out if I wait any longer, the cancer will get more aggressive...

And this is not a joke. These are the things I actually think. I'm actually quite crazy if you think about it.

I was also informed today for the millionth time that ME/CFS (I call it CFS when I see a doctor because they can't handle the abbreviation of two letters) doesn't have a cure. "It comes and goes." I can't complain, though, the doctor was the best I've seen in a long while and is, oddly enough, doing more tests for me. I know said tests will come back clear - as they always seem too - but I'm going along with it for now so that he can satisfy whatever curiosity it is he has over my health. I just hope these "tests" aren't that treadmill running thingy...because I will pass out before I get on the treadmill. Seriously.

My brother visited today and I hadn't seen him since September. He had this weird facial fuzz going on and when pressed for my opinion...well I said he should shave. Seriously Fraser, I know it's winter, but I don't want kids mistaking you for a red bearded Santa. Just teasing, of course. It was great to have him around and he took Roman out for ages and ages today - yay, the vacuuming got done.

When Roman got back I didn't want to put him down - there's a weird thing when you have a kid. Before I became a parent I was very much a person who was good around kids and loved the company of children. BUT I had this feeling at the bottom of my mind...they get boring and a little bit annoying after a while. I was scared being a parent would equal boredom with the children but I can hand on heart say that I am not fed up of Roman - in fact, every day I feel like it's a new adventure. It's got challenges, but I never think "I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!" (maybe that will change, maybe it won't) and I never wish him away.

We walked around together and he held onto the furniture...I just can't believe what I'm seeing. I know in a few months time this novelty will wear off and it will be a given...but walking is such a miracle we take for granted and it's such a blessing to not feel the frustration at not being able to move around and be free. I always feel quite grumpy when older people say to me "Well, hen, at least you have your health!" and I feel like punching them in the face. Several times. But do you know something? It's true...well, not really...but I can walk. I can move my legs and get around if I need too AND if I want too. I look at Roman and he's absolutely overjoyed at the fact he can hold himself up and not bothered about running five steps ahead to walking on his own, holding onto a table or a sofa is enough for him.

I love these jeans he has on. They're cosy and cute. I have good taste, what can I say? (Except I bought them as a bundle from eBay! Ha!).

And as if today wasn't filled with perfection enough in the form of vegetable crisps (chips) and humus, it SNOWED down my street! :).

Here's some "awwww" for your eyes:

To Do List

I just saw some upper body photos of moi.

And there are a few comments I'd like to make.

Firstly, I have just had a baby. I am the lady who has "just had a baby." But, honestly, if you saw these hideous photos - that will never make it anywhere but the Computers Recycle Bin - you'd think I was the lady who'd "just had triplets."

I've put on a bit of weight...okay, a lot of weight during my pregnancy. I think I gained three stone (that's 14lbs x3). Some of that may have been placenta, fluid and baby...but the rest (probably a good majority) is Mama Blubber.

Some might say I used to be obsessed about my weight.

At one point it ruled my life and there's no chance of me going back to those days filled with crazy practices like weighing out my food (boring) and keeping diaries about my weight/food intake/exercise/time spent sitting down.

It was so boring and draining living that life that I think I got a bit carried away with this life - where I just threw the towel in when it came to food. I stopped caring. I got pregnant and ate whatever I needed too, which felt like I was eating for a small army. It was enjoyable and I started to love my body.

Which is great, grand and fantastic. But carrying extra weight is not loving your body. So, tomorrow it's back onto an exercise regime and ploughing full steam ahead in a trial to get fit.

I'm not so much bothered about the weight as I am bothered about the things that come from being overweight; type 2 diabetes, heart problems, stroke and varicose veins. I don't want those nasties catching up with me when I could have fixed the problem in my 20s.

I am still a beautiful woman - I was very proud of my skin, legs, hair and face (even if I do say so myself!) in those photos and I know when I'm 65 years old I'm going to look back and wonder what all my fussing was about - so I don't want to start talking myself down when I could be enjoying these fabulous years!

If I have a daughter  I want her to have a positive image of herself and I know I can't do that when I think all these harsh things about myself. I want to improve myself for Roman, too. He deserves to see women as everything that they are and should be; strong, empowered and in control of themselves.

Operation: Get Happy With Self/Get Fit.