His Humble Servant.

85/366

When he's done with his brush, I've to take it away. 

His humble servant at his service ;).

Room to Grow.

9/366

Bryan.

Age: 25.

Height: 6'2.

Roman.

Age: 23 months.

Height: Bit more room to grow.

My observations of today: I'm going to be looking up a lot in my future.


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Email: carakirk@hotmail.com

Winter Sun.

4/366

It is still very much winter here in Scotland (the season we experience most) but over the past few days we've had some lovely sunshine - as well as some devastating storms that have killed people, ravaged homes and businesses. So I'm grateful that I have today, that I have Roman, that we have the sunshine after the storms and that I can see that smiling face once again. 


Edit: I spoke too soon, we have rip roaring rain tearing through the clouds and battering the windows.

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Email: carakirk@hotmail.com

Part Four of the 'Vegan Series': A Lifestyle.

Thanks for checking in with us here at Chasing Roman and welcome to the Vegan Series, Part Four: A Lifestyle.


If you'd like to read parts one, two and three then just click on the 'vegan' tag at the bottom of this post and press 'older posts' to read back. They're filled with facts, fun and food!


So, without further ado, I want to say that for me being vegan is more than just what I eat. It's a lifestyle for the rest of my life. I can't imagine putting meat or animal products into my body ever again. Why? Well, to make it really simple and easy to read, I made a list.


1. I don't want to eat those things. It might sound simple, but it's anything but simple. It would just be so easy to eat meat. Or it would be in terms of things to buy and places to eat out, when it comes to cooking being vegan is far easier. Also, for me, being vegan tastes better. I can taste my food. 


2. Roman is watching everything I do. If we're both unhealthy and eating poorly, it would be no surprise if he became an adult who ate poorly and became unhealthy, too. More often than not, this happens. For me it was easier to be unhealthy when I ate dairy and meat. There was more choice, so more junk foods to eat. Now obviously you can get vegan junk foods, but the options are smaller. 


The options are even smaller when you decide you're not going to buy those things and bring them into the home (which has been our choice) and when you're not too crazy about 'treats' for the kids and allow them some freedom of choice, then they will make smart decisions. My choice is to eliminate 'junk' foods for myself, from my home and my body, except on odd occasions (at which point I can only eat so much.) 


So, do you have to be vegan to do this? Absolutely not. Everyone and anyone can do this. I just choose to be vegan because it gives me a better chance of success at eating well. 


3. Animal cruelty. I know that most human beings are compassionate beings. I know that we don't want to do harm to other beings and I also know that the majority of people I know would say if they had to kill their meat, they wouldn't eat it. For me it's a matter of survival. If I had to eat meat to survive, I would do it, but hopefully I won't find myself in that position.  


As it stands we have the luxury to choose. To choose what goes on our plates and into our bellies and I choose veganism. You might not be ready or even desire to choose that, but I know you can make a better choice for you, your family and those generations waiting in the wings of our futures - and our children's futures. 


And, unfortunately so, animal cruelty seems to be abound in the farming practices with factory farming. 





Our social behaviour towards food seems to be more positive, but more needs to happen so that we're guaranteed and geared up for completely cruelty free food - because, let's face it, veganism isn't the desire of everyone. But having animals free of infections, pumped full of hormones and not being cramped into tiny spaces is probably a greater desire and a goal that's realistic.


4. Being vegan is who I am. It's a huge part of me. For 6 years now I have followed this lifestyle and it's a part of my whole life. When I decided to follow a vegan lifestyle I made that choice seeing how it felt for me. I didn't plan long term because I'm not good at sticking to goals. 6 years later here I am, saying it's a part of me and that I wouldn't swap that. Why should I? It works and makes sense for me. I feel more at home with myself, more at peace. Why would I take that security away?


5. My family is vegan. And with that, there is a massive support. Before I married, it was just me. At the start of my veganism I felt I had something to prove but the truth is that I don't have anything to prove, I can be an example just by the way I live my life, I don't need to shout my beliefs from the rooftop. 


With my family being vegan I would find it selfish to suddenly change the dynamics of that - sure, if I wanted to, I could eat meat. But I don't want to and I don't see the point of everyone eating three separate meals. What a waste of money, time and energy we can spend together rather than cooking, cleaning and preparing just so we can eat. Being vegan means less time is spent in the kitchen and more time enjoying, tasting and appreciating our mostly made from scratch meals. I notice a huge difference in the taste of most food if it's cooked from a packet versus cooked from fresh, tasty and wholesome ingredients.


Of course, every family can have that, you do not need to be vegan, but this is what works for us. I just know if one of us was to suddenly start eating meat and dairy that it would spell disaster because we've only ever lived as two, and now three, vegans under one roof. And I've lived in mixed meat eating and vegan households. It's definitely easier to live as a group, in unity and harmony than to divert from what works.


In short, being vegan is more than what I eat. It's about every part of my lifestyle, it has an effect on nearly every part of my life because I am conscious of the effects and how different things would be without this lifestyle. I was always a deep thinker and a little girl who asked a lot of questions.


I grew into an adult who thought so hard and deep about her food choices. I grew into an adult who was not comfortable about eating meat and then became increasingly disturbed by the dairy industry and it's processes. And now my choices fit perfectly into my life.


I am careful but not religious about finding vegan make-up and other cosmetics, but it's not always practical or financially possible. I plan on changing that in 2012 and working a bit harder on that part of my life as it's something I can only try, just as I tried to become vegan in 2006 and was successful. 


As for clothes and other things I have around my home: I am always careful to choose vegan clothes. After all, these materials are going against my skin and I'd rather not feel the hide of a cow or sheep up against my skin. 


If I'm choosing not to eat meat, I need to choose not to wear dead animals against my skin and it's something I haven't struggled with as clothes aren't ridiculously priced - if you're going to shop on vegan designer websites then yes, they may well be expensive, but I just as easily buy from the shops I bought from before. I don't buy Uggs and it's no loss to me. 


Tune in next time for a totally different Vegan Series.


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Email: carakirk@hotmail.com

Hogmanay Edition - Making Goals

In Scotland the clock strikes midnight and we 'bring in the bells.' We also call New Years Eve 'Hogmanay' and I have no idea what these two things mean. I only know we follow these traditions and customs.


Have you made any goals or resolutions for 2012? 


Mine are pretty simple and straight forward - so failure is low!


These are goals I need to work on, things that will strengthen me and make me a better person.


Read the Book of Mormon from cover to cover. If you want to join me, order your FREE copy HERE.


Start and finish my 366 photography project. Outside of being a parent and working, I want to have a project I'm constantly involved in.


Start and finish writing my book - and get it published. 


Research and educate myself about photography. It will boost my confidence and help me with my next goal.


Set up my photography business. I've been part of and watched a business being set up over the past few years and I am keen to start up another business that is mine, especially related to photography (not necessarily taking photographs of people.) I need to write myself a clear business plan and make decisions about this. And like Nike say 'just do it.'


Have a good standard of a clean and tidy home. Now that Roman is bigger and more capable of being helpful this isn't such a chore. I've already started on this path by completely clearing and cleaning out the kitchen and bathroom in preparation for 2012 and my 366 Project and I just need to keep everything organised and ticking over. I know I can be better prepared and I don't like the stress of things not being in their place in my home.


Be healthy as I can be. I have finally accepted over the course of the past year and a half that my illness has limits. I don't kill myself to do things anymore. If I am exhausted I stop. I f I need rest, I take it. However, I need to lose some extra weight I've amassed over the years, too. 


I'm terrified about putting this out there for every one to read, but it's boot up my butt I need. If I don't commit these goals to something then they will just flounder about as flowery ideas in my head.


I can't go on like that.


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Email: carakirk@hotmail.com

{Righting our wrongs} a blog for my mum.

Dear mum,


it's been an interesting few weeks and I am happy to say that 2012 will be a great year. 2011 was good, there's no denying that, but 2012 will be better. 


Not because I have a perfected idea of what it will be, but because I know it will be good. I have a few loose plans, rather than resolutions, and I really hope to stick to them - but if I lose my way and I forget my plans and I somehow completely abandon them I won't wait another year to start again, I will start as soon as I remember I've gone off track. I also refuse to feel guilt or a need to punish myself just because I've forgotten something. 


And why do we feel guilt so much anyway? Is it a 'woman' thing? Are we raised to consider everyone else's feelings but our own? 


I've been giving that some thought this week because I am trying to watch what I say and the things I do around Roman. Yesterday was a day where that all went out the window. I told him to go away several times, I also imitated his 'want up, want that!' mantra back to him and he looked at me like I'd finally cracked. I felt awful before the day was up and I didn't know why, when I worked out that the way I'd spoken to him was making me feel so terrible it made me feel even worse.


It was one big cycle of guilt and not really liking myself. I was useless when I felt this way. I couldn't do dishes, I felt frazzled and unmotivated and my stomach was really hurting. I had been harsh to him because I could, because I hadn't slept and because I didn't think about what I was saying. I snapped and reacted in the moment.


Maybe it's not that we shouldn't consider ourselves - or others - but that we should be aware of the long term effect our words and deeds have. That would go a longer way to repairing our guilt cycles, I think. 


And so what did I do to 'fix' my feelings? I forgave myself. I'd gone through the day in my head again, played it out as though I hadn't said and done certain things and then I decided I'd be calm, loving, patient and playful the next day. I moved on from my mistake and I forgave my wrongs. 


The best part in all this?


I slept better because of it.  


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Email: carakirk@hotmail.com

Christmas/Xmas/Whatever you call it-mas with the Quinns.

Makka Pakka, Upsy Daisy and Iggle Piggle paid us a little Christmas visit - and they haven't left since.

Which we're all pretty happy about.

Apart from over dosing on In The Night Garden, these past few days have been filled with films, not a lot of getting dressed or going anywhere.

My birthday was an epic suck-fest, naturally. I'm not complaining, I'm just cursed to always have a down the toilet day on my birthday. It's Christmas Eve, there's little to do and nowhere you want to go lest you be killed by a herd of frantic shoppers doing their last minute thing. 

Also, I just want to take some time to honour the film that is the Wizard of Oz. I can't believe that everyone (yep) involved in that film is dead, it makes me feel quite old, even with the fact that if the film was a person it could be one of my grandparents. 

What did you do? 

Please share something exciting with me so I can live my life vicariously through your stories.

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Email: carakirk@hotmail.com

Merry Christmas.

The time has come, the Walrus said...to make stuffed peppers for Christmas lunch!


Merry Christmas, everyone! See you in the New Year :).


P.S I really hope Santa brings me a new laptop in the Boxing Day/January sales. Here's hoping!




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Email: carakirk@hotmail.com

26 for 26.

Today (Christmas Eve, I know!) I am 26. One year older than 25 and four more years closer to 30. My older/oldest brother (pictured with me above) was 30 two days ago. Growing up was fun. Two days, two birthdays and then WHAM, Christmas landed on our laps and by Boxing Day the birthday cards were cleared away. So, with lack of anything inspirational or even remotely motivational to say I decided to do a little Christmas list of my own. Except this one isn't me asking for anything, but rather I'm in a caring and sharing mood.


This is my '26 for 26' list. 26 little known or unknown facts all about me. I haven't written them down yet but just know this is extremely hard for me to do (you'll find out why in one of the 26 facts, I'm sure.) Have a great Christmas, wherever you are and whoever you're with, and enjoy my little list :)!


I am a private person. I like to hold my tears in, I like to shy away from a camera lens and I find it painful to share private things...yet, I share quite a lot on here. That's the thing, though. I only share what I need to - whatever is necessary to help or inform a change. I open up not out of feeling secure, but because I want to share things. And I try to not let the people who've let me down and hurt me change that about me. 


 I don't like to say 'I love you' over the phone. There was a huge time in my life that I went without saying it, but that's silly. Now I struggle to say it over the phone. I don't know why, it's just how it is.


This is a baby photo of me. I was two weeks old.

 I love looking at baby pictures. LOVE it. I go back and flick through Roman's baby photos, the few I have of myself as a baby and toddler and then I get all sentimental and full of ideas. "Oh Roman could do with a sibling..."


Even though it's hard to admit this, I think Roman is my first and last child. I can't count the number of times I've been asked about adding to our family...and while I still don't really know... I think another pregnancy would destroy what little scrap of health I do have. But, you never know, right? ;).


Childbirth, growing up and getting married were some of my biggest fears growing up. And now I'm not sure why. All of these things have been wonderful to go through and experience.


I cry, every single time, at the end of Vanilla Sky. No other film gets me like this one. I literally dissolve at the end. It's just so sad - but I won't say why and spoil it if you've not seen it ;).


8. When I was 8 we got our dog, Goldie. I thought she would live forever.


 I hate drama. I feel sick at the thought of it.


 I hate attention. Even someone wishing me a Happy Birthday on Facebook makes me feel anxious and I have no idea why. It's a well meaning thing, but it fills me with a strange panic.


Even though I hate drama and attention I love to talk politics. This can invite a lot of drama and a lot of attention...but I can't help myself. I have to stick up for what I believe in.


Silent Night makes me weep a little. I picture those song lyrics brought to life and it makes me weep.


 I love to buy presents months ahead of Christmas. I like to pretend I am an organised person and this validates my dillusions.


 Right now, this is my favourite photo.


 Right now, this is Roman's favourite piece of music/ad. And the song happens to be named 'Eliza's Aria' and not that I go shopping for coincidences but Eliza was Roman's womb name. 


 I like to think Roman choose me to be his Mama.


 I left school when I was 15. Best decision of my life.


18. I had my first serious relationship at this age. I don't talk about it an awful lot because it was a strange relationship that spanned years and isn't really all that interesting to me these days - it happened, it didn't work and now we don't talk. Before this relationship I never had a boyfriend longer than a few days/weeks/months. 


I moved out of home for good when I was 21. I haven't been back to live with my parents since and this makes me oddly proud of myself.


I used to hate roller coasters, now I love them.


I don't have a best friend. I lost touch with anyone from school, I don't speak to the people I grew up with and these days I find friendships hard to maintain so I don't have a best friend. Yes, B, is my 'best friend' and probably my longest standing best friend that isn't directly my family, but apart from that there is no best friend. 


22. I got engaged at 22. All I can say is: love is love and that's the end of it.


23. I got married at 23. I think it was one of the best decisions of my life. And also the most scary.


24. I became a mother at 24. Like the above. Scary and amazing. And also the recovery was quite painful but I wouldn't change any of it.


25. At 25 I felt 'old.' We were living in a mouldy flat with no proper bed, I was sleeping on our mangled couch and my hips were really suffering as a result...I'm so glad everything has changed within this year for the better.


26. This is the age I will go into the new year with. And I'm excited. I'm going to get myself incredibly healthy - as healthy as I can be - and get my weight back into a healthy range.


Have a Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year, everyone! 


And don't forget I'm doing a 366 Project in the New Year! I'm excited. But for now I'm off to party, whose joining me?!




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Email: carakirk@hotmail.com

My Birthday Eve {a blog for my mum}

These are two people from my tribe. They are crazily cute together, don't you think?


We planned our trip before we left; a stop-over at a well known brand name health store and a trip to Santa. Everything else would be a bonus if we had the stomach for those crazy pre-Christmas crowds.


Today was hectic in Stirling. The crowds; a mixture of bleary and wide eyed human beings in all shapes and sizes searching out last minute presents of bath sets, chocolates and perfume. Shoving, pushing and pawing ensued.  It's easy (too easy?) to forget the real meaning of Christmas when you're swamped with a sea of human anxiety and desperation shoved into such a small space - with no allusions to anything remotely religious - and it's easy to get rushed and panicked along with the masses.


And today, something strange happened. I felt the anxiety with the crowds. It started off as a strange heat under my collar then a thump too much from my heart...we took sanctuary in our health food shop, where it was relatively empty and people-free, and I unravelled myself from my 'Narnia jacket' (a term coined by B) and it felt like peeling off layers of my anxiety. The truth is: I just don't like crowds. And this is why I am my mother's daughter.


Growing up with Edinburgh at my feet and then moving to London, I should be 'used' to the crowds, but I am not. The crowds thinned around mid-afternoon and my anxiety was dampened - I just felt thirsty and heavy eyed. I began to think of my Saviour, Jesus Christ, and it seemed odd that once the cloud of anxiety had passed that I began to think of Jesus. To think if it wasn't for his birth, we wouldn't celebrate Christmas. My birthday wouldn't be known as 'Christmas Eve', it would just be another day. And if Jesus hadn't been born, there would be no Redeemer. No great sacrifice.


In life we all go through sacrifices and it's made me reflect on my mum's sacrifice to me. Not only giving me a home inside her body for 9 months (unknown, no less!) but the biggest sacrifice was the danger and pain she put herself through to get me here - a Caesarian section without any kind of numbing or pain relief. 


The story goes a little something like this: an epidural was given, she kept telling them she could still feel everything - and move - but they thought she was trying to put them off to wait for my dad to get to the hospital. Wrong again. They hadn't given her enough of the epidural. She was told to sit up and push - yes, push - because I was so high up (Roman followed in the same vein.) And she did it.


All of that, to give me life. So that I could celebrate my birth every year. 


This birth story has been fed to me each year; piece by beautifully scary piece. Drip by drip, the lines of the story have played out, with an added detail here and there as I grew up and could understand the details more. I never really pieced together those details until I was in my 20s and asked my mum to tell me the full story, from start to finish. I had never known about the pushing and when I was a few weeks away from delivering Roman I discovered another fact: my mum went into spontaneous labour on that Christmas Eve morning in 1985. She felt the tightening and loosening of her body, the signal I had sent to her brain to tell her I was coming. I was ready to be born, despite her requiring a Cesarean.  A few hours later, I was born, after a lot of drama. For someone who feels so awkward being centre stage, I think my entrance into the world was my first and last major drama.


We come into life not really knowing what's ahead of us; all the pain and joy in one big mixing pot, waiting to happen. But I know that for all the pain and all the suffering, all the sacrifice, the joy is a much bigger prize than the pain. I'm just so thankful to my mum for giving me the gift of life - and because of my birth and my being here on earth, I married Bryan and together we have Roman. That's a very big prize. And a very special 'present.'




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Email: carakirk@hotmail.com

Twas the weekend before Christmas...

Oh what a weekend we had! For a start, I've been outside of my house two days in a row. For anyone that knows me they know this is rare - I'm lucky if I make it out two days in a month. Mums who make it to playgroups, play dates and other such activities please know I envy you.


But onto the important stuff: the weekend filled with amazing-ness.  Pictures to prove it:

A little bit of Christmas - reindeer in Scotland. Reindeer in my town!

{1} carrots - all gone by the time we got there.

{2} reindeer butt.

{3} more cute reindeer butt. yes, really.

{4} a little boy says hello to the 'baa!'

{5} a little boy is a little overwhelmed by it all.

I was so (so, so, so!) excited when I read on Facebook that these reindeer would be arriving to pull Santa's sleigh through our town centre. Although we don't 'do' Santa in our home (please don't lecture me, this is a decision we discussed three years ago - in other words, we're set in our ways and won't back down on this one. I respect your choice to 'do' Santa, so please respect mine) I was very excited to see the reindeer - as well as to show them to Roman as he is a big animal lover and B was a tad excited, too! 

Well they were so cute. And so placid. A big crowd followed them on their march through the town - including myself, just as excited as those little kids, shouting back at B to hurry up so we could get some pictures up close. The best part is that these reindeer are Britain's only herd of reindeer - and we got to see them! Also, they are free ranging around the Cairngorm mountains right here in sunny (or not) Scotland. Read more about these beauties here.

When we got home I wanted to pass out and take a (rare) nap. But my doctor has said I shouldn't take naps as it means I don't sleep at night so I kept my eyes open and got on with the rest of the day which involved B going off to drop Roman off at his parents and us being at home with a very un-Christmas Rockfm playing in the background and me, getting aggravated, with the foil wrapping paper I stupidly bought thinking it 'looked nice.' 

Yes, that foil-y stuff looks good. That's how they hook you in. But it's a nightmare to cut through; it rips, it even ladders (ladies, or gents, like your tights do) and well I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of opening up a present wrapped in it. Still. The point is: don't buy foil wrapping paper unless you're a glutton for punishment. A serious masochist might like it. I am not a masochist. 

Once I did all my wrapping I patted myself on the back and got started on Roman's presents. More specifically, his stocking. A stocking full of Zing. Of the Zilla variety.

Take 4 ZingZillas...

choose a favourite to stick out the top...

And stuff them into a stocking. Tada!

I fear for these little guys and girls, I really do, because lately Roman has taken to biting into his soft toys for teething comfort:

Oh boy.

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Email: carakirk@hotmail.com

{A happy week} A blog for my mum.

Dear mum,


We've had a wonderful week.


A week full of Roman trying to escape from his nappy, brushing his teeth, growing out of clothes and fitting into the next size up. A week full of storms and rain. Of darkness by 3.30pm. Another week down until Christmas, until my birthday.

You always gave me such great birthdays, with rich chocolate cake and crisps (err, not together.) With my birthday being on Christmas Eve it always felt separate to Christmas - I don't know how you pulled that off.


 We ventured out today and it was so much fun - all the Christmas lights were up in town (along with a big tree) and we were all kept warm by our hats, scarves and gloves. I was shopping for Bryan's stocking - which is more of a challenge than you'd imagine, but I am so excited to hand it over on Christmas day - and I had an overwhelming memory of Christmases past. Of stockings stuffed full of treats. Is that shallow, to remember the stuffed stocking?


It was never really the quantity - or quality - of the stocking, but more the little surprises I'd find inside. One year it was a sweet making kit and when I was 22 it was the shiny new purse with the shiny new 20p inside, with the year's date on it. It was the way you knew what I'd like so well. And now you've passed that skill onto me. 



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Email: carakirk@hotmail.com

Calling all blog designers!

Okay, seeing as it's Christmas I've decided I want a face lift for one of my gifts...


Not that kind of face lift, but a blog face lift. And I could really use your help.


I've had my blog for nearly 2 years now and in that whole time I have taken care of the design aspect myself - sometimes I was happy with it, other times not so. On the times I was happy with it I soon got bored and wanted a change...but that's because I have little to no experience with web design and really, I wasn't ever completely satisfied with my DIY designs ;).


Sooo...how can you help? Well if you've come here from Twitter I guess it begs the question: do you know any good designers? Specifically those who can tailor blogs into my minds eye design? And while I'm willing to pay (and am prepared it won't be free or cheap) a decent price, I don't want to be ripped off, either. I've tried looking on Etsy and to be frank I'm not looking for a whimsical blog theme.


If you've come here from another blog - who designed your blog? Perhaps you're a blog designer yourself, I'd love to hear from you! Or perhaps your sister's husband's dog's first cousin twice removed is a designer and they can help me out? Either way, hook me up! I'm in need of some help over here!


Oh yes and have a very Merry Christmas - we're off to see Reindeer (I'm told there's no plural and that 'reindeer's' is grammatically incorrect as a word) tomorrow in our town centre.


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Email: carakirk@hotmail.com

366 Project: Let me count the ways...

After much thought and consideration, I am taking on a 366 (it's a leap year!) Project that will start in January, 2012.


Why?


1. Since completing my original 365 I feel I have a lot of 'lost' days - days where I forget what we did (is it important? Um, well sometimes it is) and I feel kind of sad for that fact. I also love the idea of having photo memories of a whole year.


2. I'm committing to really losing a lot of weight this year. I ducked out a lot of 365 photos because I didn't feel 100% okay with my body shape...not only that but I am doing that with a majority of photos to this day, hopefully this won't be the case with a 366 Project. I also feel if I commit to a photo project that it will keep me on track with my weight loss and getting fit routine. I'm not self conscious about my shape, it's just not the best it can be and I am not proud of that fact. It's strange, though, because I am the most comfortable and happy I've ever been.


3. It's a leap year. I vowed to not do another 365 project of this scale until I had another child. Well, seeing as we have that extra day - why not go for it? After all, it's not strictly speaking a '365' ;).


4. Encouragement. I'd thought privately about doing another photo project (and tried and failed at doing many mini projects) and then Georgia, over at Gregarious Peach, wrote a post about starting up another photo project - this time with 366 photos! Seeing as she was the inspiration behind my previous 365, I decided 'why not?'. If I fall on my face with this, I do, I can only try.


5. I had completed my other photo project with a lot of mobile phone pictures - they don't do too well in a photo book as the photo book needs the best and biggest image you have in order that you get the best quality. These were the days before my DSLR, the early days, the days I don't even remember now - life without lenses?! No way! I have a better quality of camera these days and ditched my kit lens for an upgrade. With all this in mind I will be able to produce work that is technically 'good enough' for a photo book.


I am a huge perfectionist. It wasn't easy to complete my project, but it was worth the effort. It gave me a new perspective and taught me to chill the hell out. I broke down in tears and madness a few times, but that was because I was comparing myself constantly to Georgia and many others who were doing the same project. 


The difference is that is their view of the World and it's not mine, it's how they see things and I don't see it that way. No two people do. I got so worked up about things that I wanted to spend over £1,000 on a camera alone this year and that's crazy talk - 1. we cannot afford or justify that spend and 2. a camera is an investment, sure, but £1,000 is just too much of an investment. So I upgraded my lens and with a new lens coming in a few days, I am pleased.


I need to learn humility it seems.


All that aside, I am excited. I've already started eating very well and I am excited to start a new chapter in documenting my son's 3rd year of life, as well as a 2nd birthday and 3rd wedding anniversary! Life goes by so quickly and I want to store as many memories as I can.


I hope this post might inspire a few others to join in. You don't need any fancy equipment or software - half the time I took pictures on my phone! - and it's about snapping what you want to cherish. 


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Email: carakirk@hotmail.com

Part One of the 'Vegan Series': Becoming Vegan.

I've decided that this blog is long over due for some explanations. Some are hard to read in one sitting so for the sake of saving your eyes from RSI (or should that be RS-eye?) I've decided to break up my 'food essays' or 'Vegan Series' into parts - after all who doesn't love a good cliff hanger?


So, why have I decided to write a Vegan Seires? 


1. I have considered dietary choice posts for a while. 


2. I have been living, breathing and sometimes failing at following a vegan diet for the past 6 years (if you're really curious, I'm going to write about my failings in another post, don't worry, we'll unearth my imperfections at some point.)


And now for some more honesty on this subject; I didn't want to write it at first because I don't want to get into the politics of food (like really, really, really, REALLY don't) and although people are nothing but fantastic there are those whose life time goal is to troll folks endlessly and sadly a lot of vegan bloggers are the target for the internet trolls.


I also didn't want to be known as a 'vegan blogger' because then people would come to expect recipes or recommendations to things and I'm not always the most forthcoming on that. Another thing on the 'vegan blogger' badge is that you leave yourself open to judgements about animal rights. 


I love animals and I believe they should have rights but I am not crazy on this subject. I tried to go to lots of anti-fur demos when I lived in London but they were always on way too early on a Saturday morning. I'm too lazy for animal rights protesting. 


And here comes the controversy: I do not condone any violence towards others, be that damaging property or hurting someone physically or emotionally. I dislike the reports on the news that focus on these 'affirmative actions.' I believe in non-violent affirmative action which is protesting, writing to MPs and the like. I don't know the numbers on this but I sincerely believe (through my own experiences) that the majority of animal rights activists have good intentions and use non-violent affirmative action. 


So with all these things considered it shouldn't stop me from talking about something that is part of my life and has been for the past nearly 6 years. If people want to be negative, I am more than used to handling it and while I'm not expecting anyone to 'convert' to my way of eating, who knows, they might. But I'm not writing these posts for that reason. I'm not looking to recruit anyone into my Kool Aid vegan cult. And I'm not even sure Kool Aid is vegan ;).


I'm writing this post to share what works for me and my family. I'm not an expert on anything food related or what works best for everyone - I can't dictate that to anyone as it's a very personal choice (and I explain just how personal food is later on.) 


Although, I'm not an idiot, and as respect is a two way street I'd ask you to bear this in mind when writing any comments - be that good or bad.


In the nearly 6 years of my vegan eating I've read both conflicting and supportive evidence as to why a vegan diet is 'okay.' I've been through different phases; the passionate and proselyting new vegan, the meat curious vegan (and by this I mean researching the way meat is farmed and slaughtered), the convinced vegan (convinced the pros outweigh the cons), the vegan wife, the pregnant vegan and now the vegan parent.


I enjoyed each stage as it allowed me to learn  something new every time. When I was new to vegan-ism  I had so many ideas of how it was going to be. Most of which never came to fruition.


After my 19th birthday I decided to become a vegetarian. I'd tried being veggie when I was 9. Back in the day where Quorn tasted like cardboard and doctors were convinced you'd shrivel up and die - actually I lied about the Quorn, it was pretty tasty. I gave it up after a few weeks because the food was limited. 


 I can't remember the reasons for the vegetarian switch-over at 19, but I think me and my then boyfriend (who will never be named on this blog because I roll like that) had been talking about trying soya milk for a while but what this had to do with vegetarianism I don't know.


So I went vegetarian. It was surprisingly difficult for me - I would eat something with meat in it by accident quite a lot and so I made the decision I would go vegan. Why? Because it meant I wouldn't have to 'watch what I ate', sure there'd be label checking and the like but it meant complete freedom from accidentally eating meat - if you've arrived at the conclusion I am an air head, you're far from the truth. I am not. I just get rattled sometimes.


My parents, not vegans but omnivores themselves, were supportive of my change to a vegan diet. My Dad actually bought me my first vegan cookery book (pictured below) - after a long discussion about how I could eat better to improve my health, body and mind. On their part I suspected a little scepticism at first, but that's a good sign. We didn't know many, if any, vegans at that time but seeing as I'd been vegetarian for the better part of a year and improved my general health I think they were happy about the vegan change over.

Before I made the switch I researched, read and got my hands on any evidence - either for or against a vegan diet and came up with my own conclusions - that personally, for me, a vegan diet would be the diet I would follow for as long as was possible. 


So how did the rest of my family react? It was mixed. At first I am sure there were major reservations - especially from my older sister. She was sceptical and didn't think the diet was optimal for my health. This was not out of malice, bad feeling or to drag me down. It was a very real concern on her part - like I said we didn't know any vegans so I would have reacted in the same way. Out of concern to a diversion from the norm. 


My Aunt was another critic (and I have no bad feeling over that, I am just stating a fact) on the vegan diet. We would have lengthy conversations about it; she being opposed and me being on the side of a vegan diet and it's positives. When I lived in London there were weekends and even a few months where I lived with my Aunt. I really believe this helped shape her perspective on my diet for the better and she would mostly eat the same meals as me when she was around me. And as a side note: living with her and the memories we had are some of the worst and best. But mostly the best.


The rest of my family joked about meat with me - which you have to expect and take with good humour. These days things are very different with my family. They have first hand seen the long term effects (all positive for me) it has had on me as a person. I'm not dead, I'm healthier and as a person I feel I've changed for the better all round. Most of my family have tried non dairy alternatives, some they have liked and some they haven't. I'm the same. I can't stand plain tofu or hemp milk. 


The things that made my transition easier were that my ex boyfriend then decided to start a vegan diet. Although he was less than desirable to be in a relationship with he was very supportive of the vegan diet. At the time my doctor had diagnosed me (wrongly) with IBS and   both me and the ex wanted all the help we could get to improve that condition so I could have a better life. A life not filled with fevers, cold sweats and pain worse than ten labours all at once. Shame that I didn't know what I know now.


I shopped in mainstream supermarkets as well as Whole Foods in Edinburgh and Holland and Barret - a chain of health food stores in the UK. The day I found vegan cheese I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. 

Vegan cheese on toast. Heaven on toast.

I ate relatively well in the first few years of vegan-ism; home made vegetable rolls, carrots sticks, cashews, peanut butter with OJ, houmous on everything (Zohan style), home made soup in varying forms, home made cakes, smoothies, home made sushi, tofu and mayola, lasagne, shepherds pie (with lentils, my Mum's recipe), apple crumble, pizza...whew I had so much fun creating dishes and being inventive with my food.  


But there did come a period in my life, mostly tied in with working and studying too much, when I began to really slip on eating. I had a full time job and full time studies - plus being full time sick and not knowing what my illness was. I didn't really have the inclination or energy to eat, even though it's what sustains us through life. 


At it's most basic we need food in order to stay alive. I've learned some very hard lessons from my period of not eating well - it caught up with me pretty quickly and I'm lucky I was able to remedy my poor eating habits fairly early on in life and stick to better habits.


 The truth is this: whether vegan, omnivorous or vegetarian we need good eating habits. We need 2,000 (2,500 for males) calories per day on average. Armed with basic nutritional understanding we can all form good eating habits.


Look I'm never going to tell you how to eat, you really have to make that decision for yourselves. It's a personal and private affair that is really none of my business - nor will I judge you on what you put on your plate. But I strongly urge everyone, where it's possible, to eat well and exercise, that's my message. 


And having given up chocolate for the better part of a year I really hope I am on that list of eating well (I know...I know. "Not chocolate!" but chocolate was taking over my life. And my jeans. It had to go.) 


I really hope this was a fun read for you - I loved writing it, re-living those early memories with you - and I'll invite you now to tune in next week when I write Part Two: Questions I get asked. A LOT.