Not parents. And the worst of it is this: I've heard stories of FIVE YEAR olds still waking up in the night - and we're not talking mopping brows/puke we're talking about the little "darlings" crawling out their pits and pestering their parents two hours after bedtime. Now, I wasn't a perfect kid. I used to have troubles drifting off to the Land of Nod myself when I was a kid, but at least I kept my problems contained to my bedroom.
I would literally lie for hours and listen to my sister snore in the bed next to me. Or sometimes I would go to our windowsill and try to read a book by the light of the street lamps - I should have another blog called "Memoirs of an Insomniac." And be given a gold medal. Made from Frys Peppermint Creams.
Every night I know I won't sleep more than two/three hours without being woken. Reason: one Master Quinn.
I don't get it. I thought after three months their sleeping was supposed to settle down? Or is this some kind of way I'm being punished for being an insomniac as a kid and pestering my parents? Now I wish I'd been addicted to sleeping tablets or tried lavender tea.
I keep telling myself that he keeps waking up because he is because he is breast-fed. Everyone else seems to think so, anyway. Experts (Google) and well meaning mothers is "everyone" in this case. And I believe it to be so myself because I have many friends who have recently put the bottle versus breast thing to the test - at least the test in my head.
Bottle-fed babes: sleeping soundly from 7-7, in their own beds, very content.
Breast-fed babes: awake till 7, sleepy at 8.30pm when they get their last feed on the sofa. Down to bed for 9pm, awake a little after 10pm, another feed, change, back to bed. Awake again at midnight. And so the cycle continues on a two/three hour schedule. Then wide awake at 8am.
So, as I have a breast-fed Little One, my schedule is the above mentioned. I'd love to be one of those parents who proudly exclaims things like; "Oh yes, my baby sleeps right through the night." Instead I'm a dark-shadow under the eyes bird nest for hair kinda parent. I'm tempted, for the sake of my sanity, to start bottle feeding him.
There, I said it. I have turned into a selfish cow because I've become a little sleep deprived and I am really craving sleep more than I ache for confectionery. If I could do some kind of deal with God where he let my baby sleep through the night for the next eighteen years in return for me not eating any kind of sweet thing, cake and every other piece of processed nonsense for the next eighteen years then I would definitely do some deal making.
I love my sleep, I would give anything to travel back in time and take it less for granted. All those lie-ins, all that delicious time I could have spent asleep I am now grieving for. And the naps I could have taken!
I'll just have to hold out until Roman's a teenager - I've heard they like to sleep a lot. And I have vague memories of being a lie-in teenager (Mum, you can step in and clarify that point).
Then the scales are tipped in that teenagers bring a lot of baggage to the table at that stage in their lives - so you're probably losing sleep worrying about them (Ha! With all those years of unclaimed sleep? I think not!).
So today I decided to do something I haven't done in a long time. I had a half hour nap. And it was very good. Very, very good.
Parents of newborns: if you get the chance, take your naps with them. In my case my husband was looking after our Little One while I napped - the way to a woman's heart is a husband who looks after Baby just as much as she does. The reason I say this? You never know when you might be kicking yourself for that unclaimed amount of sleep you could have had.