Helper.

Roman really enjoys getting involved in household tasks. Whatever we're doing, he wants to be a part of and putting away our shopping is no exception to that. So when it arrived today, in the van he loves so much, he was full of excitement. I have to say I was pretty excited, too, as it came as a surprise from my Aunty Jeannette. We like to be self reliant and self sufficient but the reality is that we do need our family and we've been more than blessed when it comes to family helping us, supporting, caring, understanding this situation and loving us. Times have been tough around here, but that's how it is when you're in your early twenties, married and are parents or so I am learning.

When the shopping bags were unloaded into the hall he started on the rice milk; trying to pierce the foil to have a drink, then once I'd confiscated his precious nectar he dug deep into the bags and ran through to the kitchen with it. "THERE YOU GO!" he announced on his arrival into the kitchen, handing over these laundry tablets to Bryan.

Mini Helper.

This afternoon as I was in the kitchen unloading some washing I left the room and returned back to this scene - my helpful little man vacuuming the kitchen floor. This is a big deal because he is so, so afraid of our vacuum cleaner - he clings to me like a baby koala or he'll run to hide somewhere. 

Of course, as soon as it was turned on and doing it's thing he resorted back to baby koala mode ;).

What's Dis?

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He's never seen cress up close and personal like this so he was very interested in inspecting this alien green plant ;).

Roman is fantastic at helping; shopping arrives? He's on the case. Handing me every single item he can get his chubby fingers round and even attempting to lift the items he can't quite grab or pick up. He watches everything I do.

Yesterday I posted a picture of him attempting to wear my bra on my Facebook page here and as I uploaded the photo and the comments came flooding in I wondered to myself, "when has he ever seen me putting on a bra?" and it dawned on me; all the time!

While I'm not a naturalist who loves to exhibit their naked flesh or flash my knickers at my guests, I'm not going to be a prude around my two year old. There will of course be a natural age where I will find it inappropriate to be naked or dress in front of him but for now I'm comfortable with things as they are.

As for Roman? He is ultra observant. He follows our examples and imitates our behaviours and with that I'm really trying to be the force for good.

Changing Faces.

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These are the few faces of Roman ;).

With each time the shutter was released, I got a different pose. This reminds me of a scene I once saw on 'America's Next Top Model' in which the presenter and model, Tyra Banks, said that good models could pull a different look every time the photographer released the shutter. This is definitely the case for my cheeky bundle.

My instructions to him were to smile - and this is what I got. One cheeky grin and one scrunched up little face. These are the days where I'm so thankful for this Project - there is no way I would have got these photos today - it was hot, I was working and busy but I stopped for a good half an hour after Roman's afternoon nap just to enjoy his company, to smell his hair and to kiss his little hands. I am so thankful I paused and I am so thankful for today, for every day, with him and being able to capture it like this.

Mothers Day.

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Starting him young on the washing ;).

P.S I'm taking a little blogging break here. See you soon!

Enough of Me.

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Lately I have caught myself thinking things like; does he get enough of me?

I know that one on one time is most needed at this precarious age, at all ages, but especially now. He's taking it all in, forming memories, forming links in his brain and he's learning how relationships work. I don't want to be responsible or at the helm of any damage.

In life my number one priority is always going to be my family. Me, Roman and Bryan. They come before anyone or anything. This doesn't mean my love can't grow, spread or be given to others it just means their needs, wants and desires outweigh those of anyone else. It's how my own parents were with us as children and it's what I know - and keeps me secure - but lately I have been knee-deep in working on author manuscripts. I manage to get a chunk of work done when Roman is out with Bryan (and I definitely manage to divorce work from home life, despite working from home) but there are days when I wonder what Roman thinks of me.

This Mama with a laptop glued to her knees. If he asks for a hand I will let him take me wandering. To the kitchen, the bathroom, the hall, his bedroom and sometimes we even go outside. I give him a little piece of me that no one else can touch - I give him my time because he is the one who needs it. If I run behind on deadlines I can apologise and, if it really came to it, work through the night. I lose sleep. That's it.

If I miss this toddler hood and if I fail on showing him that I can divorce work from my relationship with him, I can't get that back. I can't just say 'I'm sorry, Roman. I'm sorry I didn't give you enough of me when you needed it the most.' That won't make it okay. 

That's why being a mother is the most important thing. And it has to be. For the preservation of our society and for the sake of Roman's children, grandchildren and so on. He needs to know that yes, we have other interests and things we do outside our relationship but we put enough of ourselves into a relationship to make it work. 

We take 'hand' and we walk to wherever our toddlers lead us. Because sooner or later they won't be these sweet, impressionable mini-people. We will have wished away their whole entire childhood and then wonder where it all went. 

I remember sweet, sweet memories (and some not so sweet) of my own toddler hood. I'm 26 and remember being 2. That is a special achievement on the part of my parents, especially my own mum, who made every day absolutely magical and worth living. I want the same for Roman.

I don't ever want to question if he had enough of me or not. I absolutely want him to have enough of my time; one on one and as a family. The rest is just a bonus. This is my number one calling in life. Cobwebs, dirty laundry, author deadlines can all keep but a toddler hood cannot. You can't claw back that sweet, almost holy, passage of time that moves so quickly and so fleetingly.  

Three Years of Love.

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I had wondered how I'd capture today; the 20th of February, our wedding anniversary - and marking three years since we pledged our lives to one another (among the many other promises we've made.)

We made plans to go out tonight. The usual grab a bite to eat, watch a film and in the time I got ready I had my make-up consultant on hand - although at some point he thought it would be a good idea to squirt a whole tub of lip gloss all over his hands and rub hand cream into his hair.

He loves to 'check' people's bags, but especially loves my make-up bag with all its extra goodies to explore. I'll just need to watch him carefully in future ;).

P.S: This is us, three years and several stone (lbs/kgs) ago. 

Me in a dress and B in a skirt ;).

I really felt like a doll that day - with a permanent smile on.

Twue wuve. 

The image quality is so bad because I pulled this from Facebook. My photographer gave us two albums full of photos plus a disc of all the photos...I just thought the disc was somewhere it wasn't and by the time we got back from our anniversary meal tonight well I didn't want to go hunting for it ;).