Pirates.

Today I made the mistake of not locking the bathroom door while I used the toilet.

I don't normally lock it, unless I want privacy. Lately Roman has taken to coming into the toilet, pointing at me and saying, "ewww" in this fake American accent so I've started to lock myself in because, quite frankly, I don't enjoy being heckled while using the facilities ;). 

So today; in comes the little toddler and of course he says, "ewww" the minute he eyes me on the toilet. Today it wasn't such a pronounced eww I'm glad to report but that might have been due to the fact he was making a beeline for his pirates. I bought the pirates at the shop yesterday, they're just cheap foam pirates to stick on the tiles when he's in the bath, or failing that, on the tiles above the sink. 

Yesterday he got really annoyed at not being able to reach the tiles to stick them on so, of course, this was my fault and he proceeded to freak out at me; screaming, crying and moaning about the situation. "HELP! MUM! PIRATES! HELP!" I 'helped' as best I could but my best simply wasn't good enough - I was either too slow or not doing something the right way. He lost it. I declared an early bed time and this upset him even more. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" was his reply. "PIRATES!" at this point I was chastising my choice of 1. buying these stupid things, 2. letting him see them and 3. setting them up in the bathroom sink. Not smart, definitely not smart. I'd lost all my patience and good feeling by this point so I went to the living room and shouted through to Bryan, who was suffering with this mysterious illness we both now have, to take over. "I'm too annoyed with him. You need to step in." Previous to this I'd said to Roman two of the most horrible things I've caught myself saying to any child...and I feel so ashamed of myself!

1. You ruin everything.

It was my fault. I'm the adult and I should have had control over myself, and the situation. I should have planned for his mood to be going south (it was very near bedtime) and this kind of activity didn't suit that mood. It was silly of me, but I wasn't thinking straight because I was so ill and didn't want to just tell him no once he got the pirates out of the bottom of the buggy.

2. You're being a pest. 

While this might be true, it's not nice to say. There are better ways of saying it - or you know, just not saying it at all. Who does it help? That's what I need to ask myself. If the answer is 'no one' then my mouth is better shut and my energy conserved for better things.

Oh.my.goodness. I feel so low when I think about that today. I wasn't brave enough to mention any of this yesterday - and was on the cusp of this stupid illness that has completely thrown me today. I felt like a really awful mother yesterday because I was so tired, so done and nap time felt like it came and went so quickly - I wanted to cry when he woke up because I wasn't ready to face it all over again. I wanted my mum to take care of things, to just be there but I had to face my responsibility and it was an overwhelming task. 

So when he reached for the pirates today, right before having to go out, I prepared myself for what might happen next - an all out screaming and crying fest. Well, he was fine. He accepted he couldn't stick them onto the tiles himself, built a bridge and got over it. He was also very patient watching me stick them on, looking for pointers as to where he might be going wrong at sticking them up and attempted to stick them a few times without getting annoyed. "Mum, look! Juice!" he exclaimed, holding up a foam telescope that must have looked like a large bottle of juice to his two year old eyes. "Look!" he said, grabbing the next piece, "TREASURE!" and when we announced it was time to go out? Well he got down from his step, turned to wave at his pirates and said, "bye, pirates!" without any sign of upset or distress. 

I suppose these tasks are all about timing, getting things right and not purposely setting things up, but being spontaneous. About catching children mid-day/morning, when they are in a happier mood, and doing stuff with them then. We've done painting close to bed time, something I would do again but anything that involves me in the task; gardening, baking, playing at the sink is a no go. I've learned my lesson well, but only through gritted teeth, plus some trial and error ;).

Making Iced Biscuits - Things To Do With Your Toddler.

 If you read my post about 'iced biscuits' you may be wondering what in the heck 'iced biscuits' actually are. Or maybe you've just stumbled across this post in which case; a BIG hello to you!

If you have a toddler/s then if you're anything like me then you're always on the look out for things to do with them. My favourite thing to do with Roman (my 2 year old) is to cook. I always include him in the process in some way because it keeps him occupied and allows me the freedom of working with my ingredients. I like to cook things that are easy and quick to prepare because goodness knows what's going to happen next with a toddler ;).

With the Jubilee coming up (you know the Queen being the Queen for 60 years) I thought these might make a nice addition to any Jubilee parties going on - yes, some people are having those. How British of them.

Things you'll need:

1. Jelly diamonds - or anything to decorate the top of your biscuits. I bought these because they are a vegan brand but you can use chocolate drops or any other kind of candy/sweet that will sit on top of your 'biscuit' (cookie.)

2. One pack of biscuits. Typical in Britain for this activity we will use 'Digestives.' They are a semi-sweet wheat and malt biscuit with a smoothe surface - ideal for icing. I know that in the US/Canada you'd usually have to import these biscuits or find them in the International section of select supermarkets but you can use any smoothe surface cookies/biscuits of your choice, they'll work just as well.

3. Icing sugar/confectioners sugar/powdered sugar. You'll need enough that you can get 3 heaped table spoons out of it.

Things you'll need (not pictured):

1. Two table spoons (one for heaping icing sugar and the other for mixing. It's important not to mix the wet spoon with the dry icing sugar.)

2. Two containers to put your icing sugar mixture into - one for your toddler and one for you. 

3. If I have missed anything here I can only apologise, if you notice that do leave me a comment to let me know - I need all the help I can get.

* STEP ONE *

This is fairly straight forward: dump three heaped table (big) spoons of icing sugar into your mixing bowl. Fill a mug of water and gradually add drops of water, mixing as you go, until your icing looks like this:

Yeah, it looks like glue.

This is also the point where you'll want to give a little mixing bowl to your toddler to keep them from going crazy in their chair ;). And be prepared that whatever you give them to 'mix' will actually just be consumed by them.

Get your glue...sorry, I mean your icing and put a good dollop (one tablespoon) in the centre of your biscuit. Let it naturally spread rather than spreading it yourself - because this is messy, yo!

Okay once your biscuits and icing have done their thing and decorate with jelly diamonds (diamond jubilee, get it?), Jelly Tots (are they exclusively British?), any kinds of sweet/candies of your choice.

And you're done. 

Make as many as you can cram down your neck.

I had a half of one of the biscuits because my dentist told me to cut down on my sugar. Since then I've not really stuck to that (oops.)

Goodnight Moon.

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Saying hello to the moon (and, as we were leaving the garden saying goodnight to the moon, too) and goodnight to the sun in our back garden at sunset.

I have a lot of romantic ideas when it comes to parenting. Most of which usually involve this little man being my dressing doll, allowing me to try on different outfits for hours on end - yeah, never gonna happen. 

But then some of those ideas actually come together. Like watching a sunset together on a hot May night - I didn't actually think out what the weather would be like in my fantasy, but because it's so hot this disrupted Roman's sleeping pattern and so this lead to us both being in the garden at 9.40pm, watching the sun dip behind the clouds and the half moon pop up to greet us. 

I also wondered what our neighbours would think of me as a mother if they dared peek out the window at our little garden scene; probably that I am awful for not having my rebel child into a routine and up at such a late hour. Funny thing is that I am most anal about my little routines and sometimes it's hard for me just to let go like this...to not care about my time being disrupted and just soak in our time. Time I will never recover or get back - so who cares about my time and my routines? I don't throw them out the window every night but every once and a while is fine, a little flexibility here and there didn't hurt anyone.

P.S: I have another romantic idea: watching a sunrise and out of interest I checked when the sunrise is and balked when I saw it comes up before 4am. Maybe I'll save that for when I can't sleep ;).

In Our Bedroom

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Our bedroom is an extension of Roman's room - and incidentally so is our living room. It's his dumping ground for toys, the bed is his bouncy castle and if I happen to be in there at the same time as him I'm the children's entertainer.

Please also note the Mr Potato Head sitting on our bedside drawer. I rest my case.

Life View.

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This is what this little project is all about. Our life, Roman's toddler life and everything in between. Things aren't always rosy, moods aren't always on an even keel and today was no exception on that.

He woke up tired and emotional from his nap and constantly wanted me to draw a door and windows on his drawing board - so he could 'knock' the door. When I got tired of doing this - and was busy tidying up - he got pretty frustrated and indignant about the whole thing. I think this look is saying "Mama, how dare you tear yourself away from the duty of drawing on my board!"

'Buhin' Mah TEEF!'

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We have a little, hand made with love for his second birthday, quiet book for Roman. I don't know if you're familiar with quiet books but they're very popular amongst us Mormons because they provide the ideal appeasement for toddlers who don't want to sit through an hour of talks in church - I had one as a small child and I loved it. 

 I was delighted when my mum told me she was working on this book - it's a soft cloth book filled with pages of non-frustrating activities for little developing minds - because I am not gifted with crafting abilities whatsoever. My dolls always wore immodestly sewn dresses because I got lazy half-way through making them and I've never learned to knit, crochet, make quilts or generally do any of the stuff my mum is so good at doing. I always tell myself that some day I will learn but in all honesty you and I both know I won't. 

I had every intention of making a video of this book, but well, time slipped away from me. Without wanting to put it off further I decided today was good as any day. I had a little helper who then decided he'd like to brush his teeth using the little cloth toothbrush from one of the activities.

 "BUHIN' MAH TEEF!" he told me, with the biggest grin on his face knowing full well the difference between his real toothbrush that sits in a mug on the window ledge in the bathroom and this cloth one. Undeterred by my protest that he put it back into the mug in the book he loaded some 'toothpaste' from the cloth toothpaste tube in the book and scrubbed at his chompers very heartily.

And this, my friends, this is the best thing ever in Roman's world. He loves this book so much that I have to ration how much he uses it because if I let him have at it he gets a bit excitable and starts to rip things out of the pages.

I hope you like it just as much as Roman does.

Yep. That's an iPhone.

Favourite.

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With their favourite clothes on, doing their favourite thing (watching TV) and with some of their favourite people.

And my favourite? Sitting in our sunny living room, taking pictures that my soul delights in and makes my heart dance. I love them both so much like this and always.

Enough of Me.

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Lately I have caught myself thinking things like; does he get enough of me?

I know that one on one time is most needed at this precarious age, at all ages, but especially now. He's taking it all in, forming memories, forming links in his brain and he's learning how relationships work. I don't want to be responsible or at the helm of any damage.

In life my number one priority is always going to be my family. Me, Roman and Bryan. They come before anyone or anything. This doesn't mean my love can't grow, spread or be given to others it just means their needs, wants and desires outweigh those of anyone else. It's how my own parents were with us as children and it's what I know - and keeps me secure - but lately I have been knee-deep in working on author manuscripts. I manage to get a chunk of work done when Roman is out with Bryan (and I definitely manage to divorce work from home life, despite working from home) but there are days when I wonder what Roman thinks of me.

This Mama with a laptop glued to her knees. If he asks for a hand I will let him take me wandering. To the kitchen, the bathroom, the hall, his bedroom and sometimes we even go outside. I give him a little piece of me that no one else can touch - I give him my time because he is the one who needs it. If I run behind on deadlines I can apologise and, if it really came to it, work through the night. I lose sleep. That's it.

If I miss this toddler hood and if I fail on showing him that I can divorce work from my relationship with him, I can't get that back. I can't just say 'I'm sorry, Roman. I'm sorry I didn't give you enough of me when you needed it the most.' That won't make it okay. 

That's why being a mother is the most important thing. And it has to be. For the preservation of our society and for the sake of Roman's children, grandchildren and so on. He needs to know that yes, we have other interests and things we do outside our relationship but we put enough of ourselves into a relationship to make it work. 

We take 'hand' and we walk to wherever our toddlers lead us. Because sooner or later they won't be these sweet, impressionable mini-people. We will have wished away their whole entire childhood and then wonder where it all went. 

I remember sweet, sweet memories (and some not so sweet) of my own toddler hood. I'm 26 and remember being 2. That is a special achievement on the part of my parents, especially my own mum, who made every day absolutely magical and worth living. I want the same for Roman.

I don't ever want to question if he had enough of me or not. I absolutely want him to have enough of my time; one on one and as a family. The rest is just a bonus. This is my number one calling in life. Cobwebs, dirty laundry, author deadlines can all keep but a toddler hood cannot. You can't claw back that sweet, almost holy, passage of time that moves so quickly and so fleetingly.  

Perfect.

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Isn't it wonderful to think that toddlers (for the most part) come with a no-holds barred connection to most human beings? They don't care about your sex, race, religion or political beliefs. They're wonderful little people before they become adults; full of opinions (wrongly or rightly), discrimination, prejudgments and for this little toddler - there is little to no awkwardness once the initial assessing of a person is done.

To me this phase is both perfect and awkward. The constant asserting of independence can be grating, whether that's a little boy refusing his bed, constantly saying 'mout, mout, MOUT!' (out, out, out) when in the buggy or 'want, want!' while begging for lollipops in the kitchen. But there are those perfect moments, like the above, when you want to immediately have 10 babies just to have these moments 10 times over.

The Artist.

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Last year my brother (who lives in the States), his lovely wife and my two nephews visited us in our old home. Before they arrived I bought them arty things as gifts (as well as non-vegan chocolate, I must confess. But they are not vegans and it's kind of hard to buy a vegan version of a Milky Way.)

I had bought - and put away - a little art carry case set for my oldest nephew but had stashed it away somewhere very safe. So safe that I couldn't find it until a few days before Roman's 2nd birthday so he was given the art set. 

I came to the conclusion that seeing as though he had the paints, we should probably use them. I'm not ashamed to say that today was the first time I had let him rip with paints and I'm also not shy of saying that it worked out better than I thought it would - I had this fear of him going on a mad spree with a paintbrush and attacking every available space (which he did end up doing, but as we were in the kitchen it was less of a big deal as I could wipe every available surface.)

We don't have an easel for him, but this was easily remedied when I fed the paper pad through the cooker handle ;). 

He had a blast with the paints, kept running back and forth between the living room and kitchen to show my mum his paintbrush and finally the finished masterpiece. Unfortunately once I was all cleaned up with his paints and ready to move onto making gingerbread biscuits with him, he either pulled on or tripped over our lamp cord and it smashed every where - one of those days.

Every time he went into the kitchen (after the floor was mopped and vacuumed about 5 times) he'd point to what was left of the lamp and say 'sozzy.' I hope that despite the lamp incident he had a happy day. My little artist.

P.S: more photos after 'read more' ;). I couldn't help it...

The Best Two Years.

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The night before his birthday (today, the 9th) I slipped a few blown up balloons into his room - B  wasn't happy because sometimes the noise of opening the door can wake Roman up. Luckily he didn't wake up and even better - he loves balloons.

He kept calling them 'moons' and then 'ball' and spent the most part of today kicking them around ;). We've had a fantastic day. My mum got here yesterday and spent last night helping me put together his cake, make the icing and to direct me in icing it. It's been a good few years since I've worked with butter cream icing (or vegan butter :P) and I'd even forgotten how to make it up so I was beyond thankful for her being here. 

If you want to read more about Roman's 2nd birthday then click 'read more' and enjoy :).

Peekaboo.

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Peekaboo is a much enjoyed game around here. Roman is getting quicker and cheekier at hiding and popping up randomly from the corner of his high chair.

I also love that big smile, the crazy laugh and the satisfaction that comes from such a simple game. Nothing is going to knock his happiness down...well, apart from telling him he can't have a lollipop or push his toy car into the kitchen ;).

Cheeky in Aisle 5.

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Almost as soon as I headed out today with the buggy it rained. Of course. Doing my hair and make-up was a pointless exercise - but it did make me feel more human, so maybe not a complete loss.

I had intended to take Roman to the park (on my own, yes, twice this year and this month) but because it was heavily raining we headed to a well known bargain basement shop instead. It recently opened in the summer here and I've only been there three times, including today. 

It was relatively empty which is the best kind of shop with a buggy in tow. After about an hour of looking around, Roman got fed up. And when he saw another little boy running around, giving his mum a nervous breakdown in the process no doubt, he got even more frustrated.

I would usually feel bad, but it's easier to contain him in the buggy and I will be keeping him in there as long as his legs and little body allow - it's my life saver. I do not have the energy, strength, speed or dexterity as other parents. I'd rather he learned not to run around in shops so that I don't have to chase around after him, disguising my annoyance in a chirpy tone. And I would rather store up the energy required to spend time with him at home. 

I need to do that often; store up energy from somewhere so I can do other things. And it's also a pain to get him back into the buggy once he's out - he hates going back in unless he's tired. 

So, with his frustration reaching a boiling point, I decided to take him to a quiet spot in the shop and pull some funny faces and take photographs. I was a bit paranoid about doing this but the shop is so big, and I purposely picked a quiet spot, that I was sure we wouldn't be interrupted by a member of staff kindly telling me to put my camera away - which has never happened, I'm just paranoid because Bryan keeps telling me it will happen every time I take a photograph in shops.

Well, he wasn't there to tell me that ;). So I snapped away and was quite surprised by how quickly Roman's mood improved. Just a little 'face time' with me and he was quite content to keep shopping - although I soon lost the will to live/shop and promptly paid for my things and got the hell out of there. Back into the freezing cold rainy weather.

Little Sweetheart.

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This is you. Just as you are. Two and a bit weeks away from turning two. The rash around your mouth from drooling, caused by teething (I thought we'd be done with that by now!). The yellowy-brown bruise from falling last week. Those eyebrows which are a cross between perfection and heaven - so perfectly shaped, sized and lined up. Those eyes. That tiny mouth; one thick lip at the bottom, one thin arch at the top, just like me. 

And that smile, that is completely your own, yet so startlingly like your dads. And not surprisingly, as genetics go, you remind me of my mum and my dad. 

Beneath those looks is that little personality that has been bursting to get out since your life began. Strong, independent, happy, content, feisty and very confident. Where did you get it from?

From the little baby who would fight against the blankets swaddled round him, who was happy in the arms of anyone warm and friendly, who refused to be left alone and now to the toddler who runs, dances, twirls, makes lots of noise, empties every available container with toys inside and is full of that cheeky spark he was born with. 

The little boy who goes on and off like a light when put to sleep but is up and at 'em as soon as he wakes. The baby has grown into a fully fledged toddler, soon to be two year old, and I don't know where the time has gone. All I know is you stir some strange emotions in me at times; frustration, usually when you don't understand what it is I'm asking you and love, pretty much all the time and especially right after I'm frustrated. 

You make me laugh, even when I am crying or hurt because you think I'm doing it to entertain you. You just laugh at everything. Very like me. You're also so cheeky and a bit of a pick pocket; you love to investigate hand bags and we can't leave packets of treats out, lest you nab them and scoff them down. At this age, you are wonderful. You've always been wonderful to me, but it is especially nice when you're not tired and annoyed. Or teething and tearful.

Whatever the moods or emotions, I'm always going to love you. Just as you are.

Bonding Exercise.

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Many researchers believe that the purpose of laughter is related to making and strengthening human connections. "Laughter occurs when people are comfortable with one another, when they feel open and free. And the more laughter [there is], the more bonding [occurs] within the group," says cultural anthropologist Mahadev Apte.

I pulled the above paragraph from HowStuffWorks.com because I wanted to know the science behind laughter and was quite surprised to discover this little nugget of info. I am so happy to know he's comfortable with us. I knew that anyway, of course, but this little paragraph strengthened that knowledge.

I really hope he continues in feeling 'open' and 'free' with us as he grows. I really hope he remembers feeling that way. 

My own first memory was when I was 2, going on my first big holiday with my gran and my aunt. I remember the day before we left, the day we left and being on the plane. Then I have various flashes of memory about the hotel we stayed in, the big storm that hit one night (and how we all huddled in bed together. I don't remember being in a cot as my family is big on co-sleeping, although we don't call it that, we just do it without giving it a name) and the self-catering breakfasts we had. I also remember the massive beach.

So I hope Roman starts storing away his own memories soon. And I hope he remembers being tickled by his daddy as I took his photo before bed.

Happiness is a Light.

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£9.99 is a pretty cheap way of entertaining a little toddler obsessed with light. I won't bore you with the details about our kitchen light packing in and us being too cheap to replace the busted light (for now, while we work out how to replace the 'special' light and the current bane of my existence.) 

Bryan stopped by Lidl today and bought this touch lamp. Exciting, right? Well Roman seems to think so. He loved being able to turn this lamp on and off with relative ease, just by the touch of his finger tips and little toes. "LIGHT! LIGHT!" he would exclaim, little face full of excitement, every time the light went on. 

While we were setting up the light he was very 'helpful' indeed; packing rubbish into the box the light came in and bringing it to me. "BOX! BOX!" he would exclaim, very excited at the fact he'd been given the responsibility of box watcher ;). 

I am enjoying this time, where it's so easy to make games and entertainment from lamps and boxes - and hoping it doesn't run dry too soon.