Little Pumpkin.

I'm a big Halloween fan and I was very excited to dress Roman up for the occasion. We went round to Bryan's parents where Roman was very fortunate to receive a few treats for being so cute ;). One of his treats was a car so he was very, very obsessed with this and wouldn't look at my camera at all during the night. Also...the bribery method of handing him crisps to look at me didn't work - what's a mother to do?  

Family and Food.

Two of my favourite things: family and food. And it would seem Roman is following suit in that line of favouritism, too ;). I headed out west today to enjoy some family time and some food time at the 13th Note; a very special cafe that has a very tender place in my heart not least because their sticky toffee pudding is something I might sell an organ for but because I can go there with my (vegan) side of the family and not worry about ingredients and cross contaminants. 

I managed to capture a few photos before the food arrived but in all honesty I was too wrapped up in how amazing everything was to sit there taking photos...and Roman was far too hyper to be contained in the high chair they brought out for him. He kept going between the high chair, back to Aunty 'Fo-na' to settle beside me - especially when the sticky toffee pudding arrived! I was happy to share with my merry little boy and he was glad of the ice cream being spooned into his mouth ;).

After we'd spent about an hour and a half at the 13th Note we spent about three hours in Hamley's toy store. Roman loved everything in his sight, but especially the massive giraffe they had at the front of the shop. He was also pretty pleased to spot one of his Christmas gifts in-store (he recently found the cupboard where all the gifts were kept, sans wrapping paper and they have since been moved and wrapped) and kept running up to it shouting; 'CHRISTMAS! THAT'S ROMAN'S CHRISTMAS!'. 

I was very, very happy that my aunt was returning back with us on the train because it was packed and people were rude as hell - I was nearly knocked down and my buggy thrown sideways on the walk to the train. At least in London no one would dare speak about the cramped conditions...and you know, tubes are designed for cramming situations and people are used to being in close quarters when travelling but oh my goodness it was the ride from hell for the first 15 minutes of that journey home. I will never, ever, ever be travelling at that time again! Overall: a good day and the result was that Roman went straight to bed without a peep ;).

2 and 26.

I'm 26 years old and Roman is 2 years old. He is a very healthy little boy who seems content, at peace and able to express himself as well as a toddler can. I try very hard to not shout or use unkind language and words because the world is full of them and I want him to feel safe at home, like I did as a girl. 

I can't believe how quickly time moves because in February, a few short months away, my toddler will be turning 3 and I'm not sure what I'm going to call him by then. He's not a baby any more, hasn't been for some time, and he feels more child than toddler these days except when he's in my arms; easy to pick up, easy to capture on the run and smother in kisses. He'll stretch, grow and mature. He'll become my boy, then my man...and then he'll be someone else's man and father. He'll make me a grandparent, just as he made me a parent and his mum. 

I don't know why I constantly look forward, perhaps because I can't look back in the same way as I can focus forward but I seem to find myself thinking a lot about the future lately. His future, more specifically. I try hard to picture him, this wild child with the kindest heart, in his future life. I try to handle him with care now so that a therapist or wife doesn't have to mend the broken pieces of his childhood. I try never to keep him out of my sight, but to keep my fears at bay, too. Parenting is hard in this way, but so much easier in others, and it's given me a fresh perspective. 

There wasn't a lot I couldn't empathise with in the past, but I could only give my sympathies to parents and wonder how everyone was managing to do it. It's always seemed like a mammoth task, because it is. But not for the reasons I believed. And now that I'm living through it: I understand it so much better.

New Coat.

With the Scottish winter coming in so suddenly these past few weeks I decided we needed to fight against it and buy Roman a thick and warm water proof coat. The coat was found and today he wore it for the first time outside. "MY lovely coat!" he told me, proud as punch to be wearing it. "Put MY hood up!" 

Cow-licked.

I was brushing Roman's hair tonight and realised something: it's very thick, just like mine. Also he's super cute ;)!

Doggies Juica.

My funny little man, who was bottle fed expressed milk a handful of times, feeding his doggy some 'juica' from the bottle...and yep he's been known to lift up his tops and try to feed them 'nilk' a few times, too ;). 

I've been noticing that lately Roman has become so much more caring (minus the few sharing issues he has with other children) and nurturing. I also like to think this is because I let him be whatever he wants to be, as much as I can. I don't tell him to stop behaving certain ways unless he's being aggressive and even then it's a mostly gentle approach where things are explained. If he wants to put on my clothes or run around naked...I let him. If he wants to parade around with my handbags on shoulder, that's fine by me too. I never tell him to stop behaving like a little girl or a 'jessie' - I hate that word so much. And anyway: what's wrong with behaving like a girl? Girls are pretty wonderful, actually. 

I've talked at length about my methods to dealing with upset children and gentleness, with a big helping of patience, is the one sure fire method of navigating the emotions of children. They need time, a lot of it. They need our presence, our touch, our reassurance and sometimes everything has to be put on hold so we can give it. Bryan falls naturally into the patterns and heart beat of my desires regarding this and that makes me happy. To know that not only Roman is being shaped and moved by the method I choose to practise but that my husband is, too and it reminds me of one thing: he needs the same things, too. I'm trying so hard but it sometimes feels easier to raise my voice in defence or snap back something cheeky to him...but for the sake of Roman, for the sake of him keeping the gentle balance in this household I know I need to try harder.

One day, when my son is grown, I want him to keep this gentle and nurturing side. And I want the influence to have been through our example and teachings. I know we can do it.

That Time of Year.

A while ago I spotted this location on a local photographer's Facebook page (yes, I'm a location thief!) and I decided it was truly wonderful and I needed to take photos there immediately. But then life happened and I forgot until today. The idea of going to this place and snapping a bunch of wonderful photos somehow got into my head but there was a snag on my plans: although I looked after Roman very well today I didn't look after myself very well. I couldn't be bothered to go out and by the time we did go out the afternoon light was fading to black. I also had to make pit stops to the shops to buy bribes to feed Roman (I'm a terrible mother) so I could get him to pose 'just so' and by the time we got to our location the light was completely gone. I had to crank up my ISO and rely on light shining in from Roman's left to light my photos. 

I honestly do not know how this local photographer does their job because quite frankly: the image I saw in my head? It didn't match reality one bit. The bribes didn't work, for a start, which was a huge shock for me and because it was dark Roman was a bit scared to be more than a footstep away from me. But this photo represents everything I love about this time of year: crunchy piles of leaves, a cosy jacket with plenty of layers underneath and so many pretty back drops where we live. I'm excited for winter to truly come in.