Saturday, 24 December 2011

26 for 26.

Today (Christmas Eve, I know!) I am 26. One year older than 25 and four more years closer to 30. My older/oldest brother (pictured with me above) was 30 two days ago. Growing up was fun. Two days, two birthdays and then WHAM, Christmas landed on our laps and by Boxing Day the birthday cards were cleared away. So, with lack of anything inspirational or even remotely motivational to say I decided to do a little Christmas list of my own. Except this one isn't me asking for anything, but rather I'm in a caring and sharing mood.

This is my '26 for 26' list. 26 little known or unknown facts all about me. I haven't written them down yet but just know this is extremely hard for me to do (you'll find out why in one of the 26 facts, I'm sure.) Have a great Christmas, wherever you are and whoever you're with, and enjoy my little list :)!

I am a private person. I like to hold my tears in, I like to shy away from a camera lens and I find it painful to share private things...yet, I share quite a lot on here. That's the thing, though. I only share what I need to - whatever is necessary to help or inform a change. I open up not out of feeling secure, but because I want to share things. And I try to not let the people who've let me down and hurt me change that about me. 

 I don't like to say 'I love you' over the phone. There was a huge time in my life that I went without saying it, but that's silly. Now I struggle to say it over the phone. I don't know why, it's just how it is.

This is a baby photo of me. I was two weeks old.

 I love looking at baby pictures. LOVE it. I go back and flick through Roman's baby photos, the few I have of myself as a baby and toddler and then I get all sentimental and full of ideas. "Oh Roman could do with a sibling..."

Even though it's hard to admit this, I think Roman is my first and last child. I can't count the number of times I've been asked about adding to our family...and while I still don't really know... I think another pregnancy would destroy what little scrap of health I do have. But, you never know, right? ;).

Childbirth, growing up and getting married were some of my biggest fears growing up. And now I'm not sure why. All of these things have been wonderful to go through and experience.

I cry, every single time, at the end of Vanilla Sky. No other film gets me like this one. I literally dissolve at the end. It's just so sad - but I won't say why and spoil it if you've not seen it ;).

8. When I was 8 we got our dog, Goldie. I thought she would live forever.

 I hate drama. I feel sick at the thought of it.

 I hate attention. Even someone wishing me a Happy Birthday on Facebook makes me feel anxious and I have no idea why. It's a well meaning thing, but it fills me with a strange panic.

Even though I hate drama and attention I love to talk politics. This can invite a lot of drama and a lot of attention...but I can't help myself. I have to stick up for what I believe in.

Silent Night makes me weep a little. I picture those song lyrics brought to life and it makes me weep.

 I love to buy presents months ahead of Christmas. I like to pretend I am an organised person and this validates my dillusions.

 Right now, this is my favourite photo.

 Right now, this is Roman's favourite piece of music/ad. And the song happens to be named 'Eliza's Aria' and not that I go shopping for coincidences but Eliza was Roman's womb name. 

 I like to think Roman choose me to be his Mama.

 I left school when I was 15. Best decision of my life.

18. I had my first serious relationship at this age. I don't talk about it an awful lot because it was a strange relationship that spanned years and isn't really all that interesting to me these days - it happened, it didn't work and now we don't talk. Before this relationship I never had a boyfriend longer than a few days/weeks/months. 

I moved out of home for good when I was 21. I haven't been back to live with my parents since and this makes me oddly proud of myself.

I used to hate roller coasters, now I love them.

I don't have a best friend. I lost touch with anyone from school, I don't speak to the people I grew up with and these days I find friendships hard to maintain so I don't have a best friend. Yes, B, is my 'best friend' and probably my longest standing best friend that isn't directly my family, but apart from that there is no best friend. 

22. I got engaged at 22. All I can say is: love is love and that's the end of it.

23. I got married at 23. I think it was one of the best decisions of my life. And also the most scary.

24. I became a mother at 24. Like the above. Scary and amazing. And also the recovery was quite painful but I wouldn't change any of it.

25. At 25 I felt 'old.' We were living in a mouldy flat with no proper bed, I was sleeping on our mangled couch and my hips were really suffering as a result...I'm so glad everything has changed within this year for the better.

26. This is the age I will go into the new year with. And I'm excited. I'm going to get myself incredibly healthy - as healthy as I can be - and get my weight back into a healthy range.

Have a Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year, everyone! 

And don't forget I'm doing a 366 Project in the New Year! I'm excited. But for now I'm off to party, whose joining me?!

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