A History of Undressing.

From about 5-6 months Roman began undressing himself and I have to confess as a parent one of the things I was dreading was being encouraging about my child dressing and undressing themselves - most of the children I've known and worked with hated dressing and undressing themselves and teaching this basic skill to them has always been a nightmare. 

With Roman he started early; beginning with disliking socks or shoes on his feet and learning to eventually wriggle out of them by 2-3 months. At 5-6 months he was pulling tops over his head. At 10 months I began to give him the freedom of dressing himself, selecting his clothes and leaving him to his own devices. It didn't always work out perfectly and some assistance was often required...but still out went the awkward phase of 'you need to do this basic thing for yourself, I can't dress you when you're 18!' and I was glad.

Today I began to develop a very sore throat and pounding head ache and was very grateful Bryan has the rest of the week off. Then he went off with the missionaries tonight! We did okay and I was so, so, so very grateful that Roman could undress himself...although he did leave that vest sitting on top of his head and told me it was his new hat ;). 

"Want Gurga (Burger)!"

My stripey boy trying to mastermind a way to get to that plate of food to his left.

Seeing as the chesty sounding cough hadn't cleared up I decided to make a doctor's appointment for Roman yesterday. The receptionist awarded me with an appointment this afternoon which meant that Bryan could take Roman along without me having to trek all the way over to the surgery. 

It turned out Roman was absolutely fine (apart from a chesty cough) and Bryan was given a leaflet that the doctor undoubtedly hands out to every first time parent...but it's better to be safe than sorry. And I waited a good time between Ro developing the cough and taking him to the doctor so I don't feel there's any embarrassment to be felt on my part, it's what every good parent does; makes sure their child is safe, healthy and cared for. Plus if there was something more sinister under that awful wheezing? I'd never forget I'd caused damage to my child's health when there are doctors and medicine out there, free at the point of entry no less, for us to use. 

When he got home Roman demanded a slew of foods he wanted to eat, surprising me with his sudden appetite. When he realised that his veggie burger was cooked and waiting for him he wanted it immediately. "WANT GURGA!" he said, gluing his eyes to the burger. "Want sauce, want roll, want gurga." I told him it would have to cool down first, otherwise he'd hurt himself and he simply didn't care about my reasoning ;). So once the burger was cooled, it was served and promptly devoured as though it was the last morsel of food on the face of the earth. "All done, want biscuit, want jelly," Roman informed me very matter of factly. As a special treat he had ice cream...and when he was done with that? "Want cereal." I suppose after a few days of picking at meals and not eating very much his appetite was restored and it's safe to say that he's on the road to a speedy recovery ;).

Just This.

Wrapped up in your 'leetle poo-poose' (as you call your/my blanket) there are no words for the cuteness that kills me. 

And the back story to this photo? Bryan is off every Friday (praise the heavens) and today, which happened to be a Friday, I was in bed dying under my duvet. All day I was descended upon; little (big?) bites of my food taken, my personal space invaded and knowing that I have no chance to recover my headache or energy levels and though I'm not too happy, in fact I was very grumpy about this, I love the little moments; the memories we make on our king sized bed.

Sweet and Simple.

Roman being tickled by me, his mum. Oh the sweet and simple things in life they put a smile on my face.

Unrequited Toddler Love.

At this age it's all about unrequited love. Kisses are often not returned, hugs are wriggled out of and 'sorry' isn't a familiar word in their vocabulary...it really is all about them, the way people tell you that it will be and you shrug it off thinking, 'that will never be my child!' Eh, well people fail to mention that this is every toddler and yours will be no exception. Just believe me when I say that ;).

Ro Ro Style.

Allowing him the freedom of dressing himself while I sort, organise and tidy our bedroom for our trip tomorrow.

Roman chose his summer hat, pyajama top that he already had on, a pair of grey and red stripe jogging bottoms and matching dinosaur boots. I was impressed with his matching clothes; something I'm no good at as I just throw on clothes that are comfortable.

Roman seems to really enjoy the freedom of self dressing, he has since he was months old, and I have totally indulged this but there has always been a little struggle with getting trousers all the way up. Well today he mastered this, for the first time ever. He was oh so pleased with himself and was even more delighted that I'd witnessed this event, too. "YAY!" he cheered himself, realising what he'd accomplished. I couldn't help myself and burst into a chorus of cheers and 'woohoo's', which very much pleased this little man. Oh how proud I am in these moments - and always.

Being A Boy.

When I discovered, on the day he was born, that I had a son it felt right. Internally I said to myself, "this makes sense, it's right to be this way." And since then I haven't looked back.

I'm glad I have my boy to brighten my days, to challenge my patience, to guide me through motherhood and entertain me constantly. Today was a happy day, a day full of sleep and a day where he was a little bit cheeky. After he'd done something particularly cheeky in the living room I turned to Bryan and said, "he's just so cute, even when he does his naughty things. You want to be angry but most of the time I just pretend to be angry because he's so cute." He knew he'd been cheeky - he kept running between us both saying; "cuddle! Kiss! Sorry, good boy!" ;).

He then scaled the couch with his helicopter in tow and began to laugh about the whole thing.

I'm This Boy's Mother.

He was a little happier today which was definitely a welcome relief. 

Everything is so magnified for him right now; when he's tired he'll lie in my arms, chewing his hand and allow me to baby him. When he's hungry he'll act like he's starving and hasn't had a meal in a week. When he's upset he goes all out; screaming, throwing himself down on the floor and if I'm nearby he might grab my hair or claw my face. And when he's happy? He's really over the top happy; big giggles, big smiles and full of cuddles. 

This time, this toddler-hood, is really tough sometimes. He needs me like a newborn needs the breast and a warm set of arms nearby. He needs me like a new baby needs to be swaddled close. He needs me in the way that he needed me when he was this screeching prehistoric sounding little creature that I didn't know how to soothe or settle. When we have these moments where he needs so much of me - and so much for himself - I now better understand why people say that parenthood is for life. 

I watched a documentary today and the undertone topic on top of the main topic was motherhood and how others interpret their versions of motherhood. The interviewer questioned the mother about one of her very strange choices in mothering her children. When the mother replied that she'd cut them off if they didn't act according to the way she wanted them to live their lives the interviewer simply said the following;

"Motherhood is one of the strongest human instincts possible. How will you shut that off?"

Her reply doesn't matter because when the interviewer said this my mind raced. I had to pause the documentary for a second and think about the heaviness of such a statement; first of all, is that true? Or is it simply not about truth, evidence based truth, and simply about our preconceptions when we think of motherhood. I don't know but I think it's 'true' in my situation. This week has given me much food for thought; a lot of time to reflect better over these past two and a bit years I've had as a mother, I haven't thought this much about my role as a mother and parent ever. I've thought about running away, giving up, shouting, screaming, crying while crumpled into a ball in a corner and everything in between throughout this week because it's been one of the hardest of my life. But I'm here; I'm present and I'm trying so hard to be gentle because the biggest thing I've learned this week is that being kind, being gentle and being the change I want to see in the world (baldy quoting Gandhi, I know) is the only place I know where to start from. 

Running away won't solve anything, so I have to face this head-on. I'm this boy's mother. And sometimes? It sucks when it's so challenging. But, with all that said; this is where I want to be. I want to spend my twenties and thirties nurturing this little man. I want to spend my forties, fifties, sixties (and hopefully beyond) seeing how he grows and the path life takes him down. I want these moments pictured above and I'm willing to take the challenges if that's what it takes.

It's A Toddlers Life.

A little stretch, a yawn and a nose pick. Life as a toddler is this.

Goodnight Moon.

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Saying hello to the moon (and, as we were leaving the garden saying goodnight to the moon, too) and goodnight to the sun in our back garden at sunset.

I have a lot of romantic ideas when it comes to parenting. Most of which usually involve this little man being my dressing doll, allowing me to try on different outfits for hours on end - yeah, never gonna happen. 

But then some of those ideas actually come together. Like watching a sunset together on a hot May night - I didn't actually think out what the weather would be like in my fantasy, but because it's so hot this disrupted Roman's sleeping pattern and so this lead to us both being in the garden at 9.40pm, watching the sun dip behind the clouds and the half moon pop up to greet us. 

I also wondered what our neighbours would think of me as a mother if they dared peek out the window at our little garden scene; probably that I am awful for not having my rebel child into a routine and up at such a late hour. Funny thing is that I am most anal about my little routines and sometimes it's hard for me just to let go like this...to not care about my time being disrupted and just soak in our time. Time I will never recover or get back - so who cares about my time and my routines? I don't throw them out the window every night but every once and a while is fine, a little flexibility here and there didn't hurt anyone.

P.S: I have another romantic idea: watching a sunrise and out of interest I checked when the sunrise is and balked when I saw it comes up before 4am. Maybe I'll save that for when I can't sleep ;).

Being Two Is Tough.

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Ro went to bed late (after 9pm, due to the heat) and woke up later than expected.  So late that he slept through breakfast.

Our schedule was off and because he slept so late it was decided a nap wouldn't be on the agenda. In spite of this he kept looking at me with puppy eyes and saying, "bed?" every so often. When this didn't work he'd throw himself down on the floor and scream - the scream to end all screams. It was so close to bedtime that I didn't want to let the two sleeps overlap so close but I was very tempted to just let him sleep.

Instead I handed him an ice lolly and he put on his reading glasses. All was well. Until I had to take the lolly off him so I could melt it down into a drink as Roman was rather enjoying painting his clothes with it.

Life View.

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This is what this little project is all about. Our life, Roman's toddler life and everything in between. Things aren't always rosy, moods aren't always on an even keel and today was no exception on that.

He woke up tired and emotional from his nap and constantly wanted me to draw a door and windows on his drawing board - so he could 'knock' the door. When I got tired of doing this - and was busy tidying up - he got pretty frustrated and indignant about the whole thing. I think this look is saying "Mama, how dare you tear yourself away from the duty of drawing on my board!"

Worn Out.

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Tantrums were had in the evening. This is what happens when you cut a two year old's nap. 

For the past while Roman has been avoiding sleep and so, this was day one of cutting out his afternoon nap. We put him to bed, but it was totally fruitless - he didn't want to sleep. 

Today was tough. I'm exhausted but I'm sitting here after midnight, typing this, discovering I only took two blurry photos (this one included) today. I tried to be productive with my work earlier in the day, then I realised I had to vote in our local elections. I took Roman with me because the sun was out in full force, bought some ice lollies and a lolly maker.

When we got home something awful happened. The front door was open, Roman knows how to open the gate and with these two factors to consider I'm sure you can sketch out what might have happened next. He disappeared for a split second - he's so quick. I ran out the door without shoes on when I realised he was gone, desperate to get to him. I could hear him he was so close but I couldn't see him which is just a terrifying moment in any parent's life. I found him, wandering near the next door neighbour's garden, outside at the front of our home - near the road. So thankful that the road we're on is not busy at all, mostly used as a parking spot for cars. Still, my heart was on hold the whole time. The worst 2 seconds of my life.

And then there was this face; exhausted. There were pleas to go to bed. Refusal (for the first time) to go into a bath. Just so fed up of this staying awake thing for this little boy. Then cheekiness in bed, the exhaustion that had swept over him was gone and it was replaced by a huge cheeky grin and a refusal to lie down.

Within 5 minutes there was no sound from his room. Good night indeed.

Shiny Happy.

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I was in two minds about this photo today. For a start it was one of those photos that looked spectacular in the camera and then very different on my computer. Still, it shows what today was full of; a happy sweaty little face smiling back at me.

And after the photo was taken? Well he saw I was a little unsteady in my crouched down position and decided to push me over - cheeky little thing ;).

Dressed.

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He is always awake before we are, has breakfast before us and is always dressed before us.

The life of a toddler is pretty sweet.

Big.

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It's still strange to me that one look, one lens and one angle can change a whole perspective on things. Throughout this whole project I've mostly been using my two prime lenses; my 50mm and my 35mm. 

For anyone who wants to know: this is my Sigma 17-70mm lens. It's not great in low light as the f-stop only goes down to a 2.8 buuut it's a great 'all purpose' lens. Macro, landscape, even a slightly fish-eye effect and my favourite - portrait. I need to learn more about this lens because out of all my lenses, it was the most expensive. 

It's great for capturing cheeky full length growing toddlers and it takes my breath away to see how much Roman grows, changes and develops. To see him like this steals my heart - a walking, talking toddler but also still a little man. When I saw this photo on my computer I remembered something my mum said about him a few weeks ago; "He's such a little man, but he's really still a little baby, too." Yes. I agree completely.

Isotonic Boy.

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This empty bottle he toted around the whole morning? He took it from my bag, that he happily raided while me and Bryan were chatting on our bed this morning. I don't know if he quite understands that my bag isn't his bag. 

And of course there's the little reminder I need - to always have my beady eye on this cheeky bag raider ;).

And just a little disclaimer for any outrage on giving a two year old an isotonic drink: I would never do that. It was an empty bottle that I brought back home from the pool on Saturday ;).

Mummy's Happy Boy.

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Even though he was pretty cheeky this morning - and giving a good run for his money this afternoon in the cheeky/rascally stakes - I'm quite pleased that the red faced tantrum-ing toddler is a thing of the past (at least for today.) And I'm pleased that he has mostly been smiling like this all day - in spite of the two big 'bumps' he's had and of course not forgetting all the other little bumps here and there.


Oh how I love the smiley little toddler. Please let him stay. Amen.