Image: Sweater: hand-knitted by Mama K.
He wanted to be held.
I mean, don't get me wrong, he is rather much a snuggle bug at the best and worst of times, but today there was something different. He molded himself into the curves of my body and let himself be held; cuddled and snuggled - and even kissed without brushing my hand away.
Of course my first thought was; "He must be ill." I check his temperature and it was stable. Then I remember. He was kicking and singing in bed an hour and a half after bedtime - eventually the singing turned to little mews and the mews turned into all out 'if you don't get me I'll really lose it' screams. I usually leave him a good while if he's only making little interested noises, but when he screams it doesn't matter how long you leave him, he will lose the plot and take a while to calm down. So not worth that.
He's a great sleeper. We haven't had a lot of issues with his sleeping; I'd say his pattern fits in nicely with us - how polite and considerate of him ;).
I do, however, remember those crazy few months that were coma-like through lack of sleep, then all of a sudden out of nowhere he was sleeping through the night - the magic 5 month mark where he got the memo on the day and night thing.
These days, at 14 months, we're experiencing a whole new side to things.
He's nearly walking.
He's mastered so many techniques that I believe we're on the brink of his first steps.
So he doesn't want to be on a knee, cuddled up and getting covered in kisses, he wants to be getting this toy, that toy and whatever other dangerous things he can grab before I run to him, moving like a tornado and knocking everything down in my wake.
Today, it was a different set of rules than what normally applies around here.
Today he wanted to be cuddled, kissed and loved on. And that made a great start to my day.
I felt happier with him on my knee - I'm not someone who hands out hugs to a lot of people I know and as a general rule of thumb I'm not so much into physical contact, but with my son, I adore each moment of hugs we get. I know they won't last. I know that he's going to tell me he hates me about a hundred times a day. I know one day he's going to do things that will make me hang my head in shame - especially in public (or you know, maybe he won't and I'm jumping the gun. Let's keep our fingers and toes crossed on that one!)
I thought about the sometimes emotional and physical distance I put between me and the ones I care about and I'm not an emotional moron; I have no fear in telling people how I feel, but what I do fear is them disregarding those feelings or pretending I said nothing - all of which have happened to me in previous, really crappy, pointless past relationships.
I gave them the biggest piece of me and they took that for granted.
And now I am terrified this will happen again. And again. And again.
But why am I so free with my emotions and physical contact with my son? I guess he's never done anything to harm me - okay, childbirth was kind of an option I opted for so we can't count that. And the reassuring thing is that at least I know for the meantime he's never been hurt the way I have. I know if he swats away my kisses or squirms under my grasp that he's not doing it because he doesn't know how to deal with me - he's doing it because he's more interested in grabbing plugs, books and other items that happen to be lying around.
So when he comes to me out of his own free will and choice I know he wants to be there - he's not doing it because he feels obligated or he has to stand by me because 'that's what you do.'
Or maybe, he's just tired and wants a comfy Mum Pillow ;) - who knows?
{Psst! I'm making a secret video that not even B knows about and I am super, duper trooper looper excited about it!}
I wish I had a better camera, but with what I have, I really think I've done an excellent job and I am loving how it looks! It should be ready very soon, so stay tuned for dates for the big reveal!
Oh yes, and as ever, if you've had a broken heart, a silly relationship or your child has done something sweet lately I REEEAALLLLY love those stories and would double love you to post your comments below!
& Some shameless self promo:
& Some shameless self promo:
