Friday, 21 September 2012


A missed nap and a long day; this is the result.

I remember being his age very well. I remember my room being a scary place, I remember waking up in the middle of the night paralysed by fear; my larynx feeling closed through absolute terror of the dark, the strange noises and even my head board absolutely terrified me. Sleep and I weren't friends and we haven't really had a stable relationship since. My hope and wish for Roman is that he doesn't end up with the same sleep issues and every time he misses a nap or refuses to sleep I panic. 

I never know what to do other than not force him to sleep and to just be there if something is disturbing/upsetting him. But my goodness it works me up so much when he won't lie down when he's clearly exhausted and I lose it (shamefully.) I swear (shamefully), I sometimes cry and a lot of the time I just throw my hands up and wonder why. Why is he fighting sleep so much when he's clearly wiped out? It's rare when he fights sleep but because it's so rare I just don't know how to handle the situation - it's a new, scary, territory for me. And I'm sure it's not a barrel of laughs for Roman, either. For both of us; it's hell. Roman gets upset, teary and worked up and I'm much of the same. When Ro was four months old he refused to co-sleep with us so I know this isn't a route or option that will work for our family, despite many failed attempts to try this. It's just hard and upsetting to see him like this and not have any idea what you can do.