Wednesday, 24 October 2012

Taking Care.

Roman: the nurturer. He loves babies and I seem to be spying these scenes an awful lot...which is both endearing and heart breaking for me. Endearing because to know your child wants to nurture and care for people, toys, animals and every thing he can get his hands on is the sweetest. Heart breaking because I'm not entirely sure he'll ever have a baby brother or sister and sometimes I don't know how I'll answer the question that might come about that one day!

Still, with that said, I want Roman to know that sometimes I'm so overwhelmed that it might be just him. I feel so fortunate that he's here, in my life and because of that it's beyond my wildest hopes and dreams. I get a little insulted when other parents (well meaning, I'm sure) tell me that Roman isn't enough; that I need to have more children, for his sake and for my own. I want to tell them all; "Actually, he's so wonderful that I don't feel like I need to have other children!" when the truth is so...complex and personal. 

Roman being born when he was seems like a miracle to me when I weigh up all of the challenges these past 3-4 years have brought. Had we decided to wait a little longer, to be a little more settled and richer, we might be child free at this very moment in time. I'd be miserable because I was miserable with every negative test I had before I got the positive plus sign. There were nights I would cry myself to sleep because I very much wanted a baby, but it didn't feel like it would happen and when it did happen I was terrified; my life was changed forever and the marvellous journey of Roman's life began.